hurtling down the streets of downtown at 3:30 a.m.
disclaimer: yes, it was late. yes, i was tired. and YES the following story is true.
i was flying down the empty streets of downtown last night, FINALLY on my way home, and i got stopped at a light.
I KID YOU NOT, some kind of lean, four-legged, pointy-eared, stripedy-tailed racing beast was tearing(at at LEAST 20 m.p.h.) down the middle of the street in front of me. my head just went from right to left and followed it to the next intersection, where it almost ran into a car, got confused, did a circle, made a right and took off into the darkness.
in my uneducated opinion, a jackal just ran down the street.
i thought it was just me, having some kind of terrible harold-and-kumar flashback, but i hadn't been hitting any substances and i was fully awake. but just to be sure, i rolled down the window and called out to some people walking down the street, who were just as bewildered as i was.
me: 'DID YOU JUST SEE THAT THING RUN DOWN THE STREET?'
girl:'YEAH, THAT WAS SO WEIRD.'
me: 'DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT WAS?'
guy1: 'I THINK IT WAS A HYENA'
guy2: 'OR A WOLF'
guy1: 'OR A WEREWOLF! AHAHAHAAAHAAA!!'
me: 'BUT YOU DID SEE IT, RIGHT? I'M NOT CRAZY?'
girl: 'NO, YOU'RE DEFINITELY NOT CRAZY.'
it wasn't even a full moon.
see? some drunk girl on the street doesn't think i'm crazy.
most likely it was a coyote (which has been known to happen) or some escaped illegal luxury animal.
i know. see what the dungeon will do to you?
I know it's always reassuring for me when drunk people don't think I'm crazy.
ReplyDeleteJackal, hyena, coyote, werewolf... Whatever it was, I wouldn't expect to see it on the road either.
Maybe it was just a really goofy-looking dog. Ok, maybe not.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, seriously, I have seen coyotes going through garbage cans in a small, urban area. My theory is, the woods get boring. Sometimes, they get tired of hunting and they want some hot wings.
Can you blame them?
i swear, it didn't look like a dog, and i've heard that often coyotes are mistaken for dogs.
ReplyDeletesomeone at the office said they've had coyotes downtown before and if they've been known to rummage through garbage cans, it seems even more likely that's what it was.
it was just so odd. i had one of those cartoon moments where i literally rubbed my eyes.
a coyote in downtown chicago?!?! yeah, and i almost made roadkill out of the Road Runner! YUK YUK YUK!!!!
ReplyDeletescoff all you want h.c., but it was real. the drunk girl even said so.
ReplyDeleteone of those "cartoon moments" is exactly right!! did you drive your car off a cliff and not succumb to gravity until you looked down??
ReplyDeleteonce you hit the ground, did the evil storyboarder have an ACME anvil fall on top of your head for good measure?? did a huge lump grow instaneously from the top of your head with little blue birdies flying in circles around it?HEHEHAHAHOHOHOHO.
you'd best watch out, mister; karma's gonna come down your ass for making fun of me like a big fat piano when you step out onto the sidewalk.
ReplyDeletespeaking of which, remember the wolf from the droopy show whose eyes would rollup like window shades and tongue would unroll like a red carpet when a pretty girl walked by? i loved that show.
Maybe in your heightened sense of alertness you were projecting your hallucination upon those who were less alert... ie drunk.
ReplyDeleteI am, of course, being an idiot.
i wish i were that powerful, andy. then i could make any intoxicated dufus do my bidding!
ReplyDelete[insert evil laugh here}
I’ve been developing a theory on what you saw the other night… it involves 3 other time dimensions, a midget, 5 dancing iguanas, a misplaced My Little Pony doll and half a bottle of rubbing alcohol… I still need to pretend to gather some more fake facts, but I think I’m on to something here… I’ll keep you posted.
ReplyDelete