don't make me have to smack you

'ohmygod you won't believe what just happened! that guy over there just slapped my ass!'

'WHAT? who!? where is he? you just show me which one. the one in the stripedy shirt? uh-uh, because he's not going to get away with that shit without hearing a thing or two.'

'excuse me, did you just happen to slap my friend over here on the ass?'

'um, yeah. but i apologized RIGHT afterward!'

'you're lucky mister! that i've been drinking! or else i'd really have to f you up! yeah! you heard me!'

'hang on, honey, let me just talk to him. where the hell did you get the idea to do that?'

'well, she was shaking it... and it was just so... tempting. so i thought i'd give it a little smack. i thought she'd like it! really!'

'where the hell do you get off!? what, do you think you can walk around and put your hands on any person within ten feet of you? who the hell do you think you are!?'

'i didn't know she'd get mad! i said i apologized right after!'

'let me tell you something, guy. NO girl likes being touched by a strange man, especially in that manner! what a crock of crap, 'i thought she'd like it.' you know, you give [shared ethnicity] a bad name! keep your damn hands to yourself!'

'I ALREADY APOLOGIZED! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME?'

'yeah, that's right, you take your grabby friend and get him out of here! AND MAYBE TEACH HIM A FEW MANNERS WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!'

'did you tell him? i wasn't even dancing by him! i was dancing over there! i can't believe he did that! you know, i could really have f-ed him up. i would have, too.'

'i know sweetie. but it was pretty funny how you were all up in his face yelling. it was kind of cute, actually.'

'what!? i wasn't trying to be cute! i was trying to be menacing! menacing, i tell you!'

'don't worry; i think i saw fear in his eyes.'

'damn right.'