simple pleasures

'did you see that obit in today's paper about this lady who was a curler?'

'no, was it a good one?'

'it was terrible! this woman lived for seventy-some-odd years and the entire thing was about curling! how boring. who wants to read about that?'

'well, i know somebody who really enjoys it. he's even got special shoes and everything. and he makes it sound kind of interesting.'

'well, i think it's boring. and i happen to know the girl who wrote the story. she said the husband-- who is all about curling, too-- that curling is all he wanted to talk about in the interview. you know the kicker? she had like three kids and they were just barely mentioned at the end as survivors. this woman was hard core. i guess she helped get curling into the Olympics or something.'

'maybe that's what she really was passionate about. c'mon, don't be so hard on her, she's dead. what about you? what do you think they'd say in your obituary?'

'well, i think i'd be all right as long as they didn't talk about hair or fashion.'

'why not? t, you're the only person i know who can pull off that shade of tangerine and still look fabulous. and you have a new, cool, hairstyle every week.'

'i know, i know, but there's more to me than that. it's just not what i want to be remembered for, you know?'

'oh right, aren't you on a bunch of committees in your town and always writing your Congressperson about something or another? how about "community activist"? '

'yeah! that's the kind of stuff i hope people would remember. what would they say for you?'

'i doubt i'm important enough to make the paper unless i get gunned down by a psycho soccer mom or something. but i guess they'd have to say something like "Cadiz Twelve: That Girl Really Loved her Television." '

***

i got tagged by our very own curling master, Omar. here are ten of my simple pleasures:


10) sappy-ass movies with plot holes the size of wyoming, bad acting and cheesy endings that i didn't want to pay nine bucks to see in the theater or waste three days of my netflix to order but still secretly wanted to see

9) being able to rewind after i've realized i'd been dozing and missed something critical, like what exactly the hero did to mess up and lose the girl

8) being able to forward through the scary parts without having to actually watch someone get stabbed/shot/jumped/raped/dismembered, only in fast-forward

7) when one of my roommates ignores the fact that i'm concentrating on the hero's part-apology-part-love-professing speech (the only worthwhile part, btw), stands directly in my line of vision trying to converse with me, i can pause live television and not miss a WORD.

6) knowing exactly how many taps of the forward arrow it takes to skip the entirety of the commercial break without having to rewind

5) that my roommates still haven't quite figured out how to search for their shows or set an entire season to record at one time, so i can fill up the dvr with my sappy movies

4) being able to hear the actors use actual swearwords instead of dubbedover epithets. somehow ray liotta's "melon farmer" substitute in 'Goodfellas' just doesn't have the same panache as the real thing.

3) catching up on all the stuff i've only just heard about all this time. for example, reading an online article about Stephen Colbert's show doesn't really convey the fact that he pronounces it the 'Colbear Reporrr.'

2) being able to set something for recording at the same time BBC news or 'According to Jim' or whatever else my roommates watch while i'm at work

1) never! again! having to sit through another stupidass skincare infomercial/timeshare pyramid scheme/flimsy cooking gadget/magical stain-remover program when it's 4 a.m. and i can't sleep. not to mention the neverending parade of personal injury/racyphoneline/diet pill commercials. praise the Lord!


sorry, guys. I would just tag Guyana Gyal, because i know she loves these things as much as i do, but her computer is busted. so Jon and Ale, you're up.