2009: Reboot

I can't say that I'm going to miss 2008. I lost my last grandparent, my job and pretty much all of my savings. However, I am thankful for being able to look upon my boyfriend's face in person nearly every day, actually living in the place I've been paying mortgage on for three years (though it doesn't look like it's going to sell anytime soon) and having a reliable fast Internet connection for the first time in a long time.

My situation is likely going to get worse in 2009, but there's little I can do to prevent that. So I'm taking time to "reboot" my life. It started with an abrupt decision to chop off most of my hair, and now I'm looking at everything around me in a new way: Have I truly expressed how much the people who love and support me are appreciated? Do I really need to watch so much television? What needs to change to prevent my being taken advantage of in the future? Maybe that life-assessment I didn't go through when I turned 30 is catching up with me four months late, but I suddenly feel like a bomb is going to go off if I don't get my crap together as soon as possible.

Last month I reconnected with people who studied abroad with me; we reminisced in disbelief that our semester in Spain was a full DECADE ago. Then I stumbled onto a journal (I still haven't put my albums together) from that time and discovered that the uncertainty and frustration I had wanted to escape back then isn't all that different from the confusion and helplessness that I wrestle with today. Ten years can change a lot of the details, but the sentiment is the same. There's no such thing as a vacation from your life--and perhaps the best way to figure out where you're going is to take a good look at where you have been. So that's what I aim to do this year.

Happy 2009 everyone. I hope things get clearer and brighter for all of us.