i'll wrap your presents in orange and black

if you want to be born on a holiday, i think Halloween is the perfect choice:

a) no one goes out of town or takes vacation then
b) it's not an "family" holiday
c) it's not an obligatory holiday during which people make you feel guilty
d) people dress up and don't look as much like themselves, so they're more likely to let loose and really have fun
e) people will allow themselves to eat loads of things that are bad for them. i.e. birthday cake
f) it's a day people of all ages can enjoy
g) it's an occasion to be transient, so it's likely they can fit your party into their trick-or-treating/other party schedule
h) it's not a picnic holiday or a turkey holiday, so you can better control the menu
i) there's CANDY everywhere!

i happen to know several halloween babies. a girl from work who took the whole week off to celebrate; pp's boyfriend, k, who pp says is the "male version" of me -- which is probably why we get along so famously; and our very own blogger, jon.

and then there's my very own H, who puts the "H" in halloween and every other day of the year. at least for me. even from 2,000 miles away he makes me laugh and drives me absolutely berserk. he's quirky and smart and adorable. he isn't afraid to call me out on bullshit or sample weird foods at my suggestion. or tell me that the weird thing i suggested is disgusting. every day, i feel more love and support than i ever could have imagined and i'm thankful for all the happy accidents that brought us together. Happy Halloween, darling. i love you.

pumpkin pickin' on the west side

because i will be celebrating the fair holiday of All Hallow's Eve in-- most appropriate of all places-- the dungeon, this past weekend i went out to California to get my hot-apple-cider-and-pumpkin-gut-fix with H.

let me tell you, as a lifelong midwesterner who has seen her share of snow, sleet and even hail on Halloween-- and trick-or-treated anyway-- the idea of milling around a pumpkin patch in jeans, a t-shirt and sandals is absolutely ridiculous. sure, festivities on the west coast have the essentials: loads of pumpkins, dried cornstalks propped up in pillars, random bales of hay, apple cider, mini gourds, awkwardlooking scarecrows, indian corn, wheelbarrows and of course the obligatory hayride pulled by a tractor. but something feels a little off when it's EIGHTY-FIVE degrees outside. what? no sweatshirts? no runny noses? no mittens!? for goodness' sake, there's a reason they sell HOT apple cider and HOT chocolate at the vending stand. and there's no point in riding around on exhaust-spewing farm equipment if you can't at least use the cold as an excuse to snuggle up to someone special. geez.

so as i walked up and down the aisles of the patch, listening intently for a pumpkin to call out for me to scrape out its innards and cut holes in its head, i tried to get past the people wearing shorts. i was cranky and fuming about all the ways Halloween in the heat defies the laws of nature, and not afraid to voice my opinions. but then, as i lifted up a white pumpkin to check out the damage underneath, i spotted some people walking around with their babies dressed up in chicken suits. and all my irritation melted away. because really, Halloween is not about the temperature outside or the color of the leaves. it is a celebration of dressing our children/pets/siblings/selves in horribly embarrassing getups of which others will save photographic evidence to ensure the maximum amount of mortification at just the right moment. like when your date picks you up for The Prom.

besides, this morning when i got off the plane in chicago to find that it was SEVENTY degrees here, i realized that i definitely needed to lighten up. that and learn to hobble around town with my foot in my mouth.

so enjoy, you trick-or-treaters. if you decide not to get dressed up, at least get a little hopped up on the candy. live a little. quit being so cranky. take a moment to stop and smell the baby chickens.

and if you're looking for something a little more on the dark side, check this out. just a warning: it's not for the faint of heart.

enjoy!

she's crafty

"you know, i saw a button near the coat rack this afternoon and picked it up, thinking it's probably one of mine."

"who's is it?"

"sure enough, it's off the shirt i'm wearing."

"ah, well you going to take it home and fix it?"

"yeah, i'll probably have to do it myself."

"you know, every time i try to sew on a button, it seems to only last for only one buttoning."

"yeah, it never works right. i lost one off my coat last week..."

"i hate to interrupt you, gentlemen, but it might be sturdier if you go diagonal with those things."

"like when you're unscrewing the lugnuts on a wheel?"

"uh... yeah. sort of. actually, yeah! same sort of thing-- to make sure it doesn't fall off on you."

"so then, it's cool if i just bring it in for you to take care of, cadiz?"

sliver lining

there are some cases when everything seems to be going wrong, all you can do is worry what exciting NEW thing will go wrong tomorrow, in the off chance that your worry will make that thing turn around and go back from whence it came. but then tomorrow comes and it happens anyway.

that really sucks.

and though you don't really believe them when they say stuff like, "don't worry, it'll all work out," or "just try to stay positive," secretly, it's kind of nice to hear. if only for the tiny sliver of pleasure you get from disregarding it.

all new, three times

i got tagged by ML!

and no, i am not going to repeat what i said last time, because i am bored and i like this stuff.

3 things that scare me
losing hope
being jumped and choking instead of defending myself then having to live with the guilt or be dead because i was a coward
starting over

3 people who make me laugh
my brother
H
highcontrast

3 things I love
a really snuggly nap on a sunny day in the summer
shopping for baby clothes
my dvr

3 things I hate
the smell and taste of liver
the exponentially increasing amount of commercials they play during "Lost"
not knowing where i stand

3 things I don't understand
corporate effing america
forcing others to accept your beliefs
gadgets

3 things on my desk
a sewing machine
a blurry picture of me and my grandma from 1987 in Pomona, CA
a broken anklet with garnet-colored stones in it

3 things I'm doing right now
thinking about what i'm going to watch on tv when i get home
thinking about how early i have to wake up tomorrow
trying not to think about what i'm going to in the not-so-distant future

3 things I want to do before I die
meet phil keoghan at the mat
shed some paranoia
be someone's Dadi

3 things I can do
"cackle"
make round, puffy chapatis (but not rice, go figure)
knit booties

3 ways to describe my personality
sweet
spicy
savory

3 things I can't do
stand it when people hang out in the left lane and drive slowly
seem to want to use my mp3player
resist the chance to get nine more minutes' sleep

3 things I think you should listen to
my mom (in case yours doesn't give good advice)
railroad crossing signals
me, when i'm speaking. or else i will get VERY PISSED

3 things I think you should never listen to
television news (ALWAYS get a second opinion, and there are plenty out there)
telemarketers
teletubbies

3 favorite foods
cheeseburgers
sushi
my mom's recipe for [fill in the blank here, except liver]

3 things I'd like to learn
speedreading
to roll with the punches
my purpose

3 beverages I drink regularly
chai (i'm talking lipton, baby, not that commercialized shi-shi crap)
water
odwalla's green monster juice

3 shows I watched as a kid
duck tales
Cosby
tom & jerry

3 people I tag
highcontrast
becky
yo momma

just monkeying around

here's something H's sister sent to him and i've been playing around with while i wait for reports. i'm sure all you monkey fans out there will be pleased.

enjoy!

strong and sexy

today i get onto the bus about fifteen minutes before it was supposed to leave. i guess the driver was on break and was on the phone, helping her friend or somebody pick out names for a baby. i couldn't help but listen to her end of the conversation.

"how about noel? that can be for a boy OR a girl! noelle is a great name!"
...
"mahan? what the heck kind of name is that?... oh, that's your momma's name? oh okay. well, that's nice, but you said you want her to have a strong, sexy name. i'll think of something. don't you worry."
...
"na na nah, I GOT IT! now get this: India. N, with the little swirly thing, d, y, i, a. India. now that's strong AND sexy! ... nah, N with that thing on top, d, y, i, a. i'm telling you, girl! that's a GREAT name!"

i don't know about you guys, but i sat there on the ride to my office trying to figure that one out. Ndyia. doesn't that look like it'd be pronounced "Nih-dee-ya"? and isn't it grammatically impossible to have a tilde n at the beginning of a word? help me out, you linguists out there.

i'm sure a lot of parents get their babies' names in a moment of clarity, but really, shouldn't people take a little more time to map it all out? that poor kid might end up being strong and sexy, but only because she'll have to be confident enough to correct people about her name all day long and have built up a tolerance for ridicule.

a wrench in the plan

on friday, i was driving along, humming to the newsradio themesong and listening for the weather report when suddenly there came a crunchy thumpthumpthumpthump from the undercarriage. i pulled off the main road and into an empty church parking lot to assess the damage.

after several rounds of kicking and no sign of hissing, i decided the tires were fine. but when i drove in circles in around the parking lot islands the suspicious banging only seemed to get worse. it sounded like something under there was dangling precariously close to dragging on the asphalt and making sparks that would ignite my fuel tank and toast me to a burnt crisp. so i called work to say i wasn't going to make it in and tried to roll back toward home slowly, hoping that if it was going to fall to pieces or blow up, my car would at least have the decency to do so within a populated area so someone would be able to identify me and call my mother.

needless to say, i made it home. i didn't have another way to go the 36 miles to work and back, but that didn't stop me from feeling horrible for the entirety of what would have been my shift. i never was good at playing hooky; the guilt sucks every second of joy i might get from the freedom, so i don't even bother.

however, today was a different story. i got in to see the mechanic and finally felt some relief. i can show the boss my big fat receipt for shiny new stabilizers and a brand-new front axle. if that had completely broken down on me in the middle of the highway, i think guilt would have been the least of my emotions.

show me that smile again

one of the reasons i knew in my heart that pp, my random college roommate, and i were going to get along great was because on October 12 that first year, she turned to me and said, "do you know what today is?"

i have no idea how i remembered this -- probably because someone i knew in jr. high was obsessed with him -- but i replied, "why, it's kirk cameron's birthday!" and that's exactly what she had been thinking.

so happy birthday, kirk. i may not agree with all of your beliefs, but you sure were loveable as mike seaver on growing pains.

we're onto you

one of my favorite people, mr. high contrast, is somebody i have known since freshman year of high school. when you first meet him, you think to yourself, "my, what an intelligent, successful businessman! and he's witty and goodlooking, too!" but what only a few people truly know is that the man is really a prankster at heart who takes sadistic joy in messing with people when they least expect it; like when they're in the bathroom and have left their e-mail account open. behold his handiwork, via an e-mail from my friend kaiya:

_____________

(no subject)

cadiz -
i'm over you.

Kaiya

_____________


i see highcon has been hacking into your email again.
cadiz
_____________


i cant believe that little [expletive] wrote 4 separate distinct emails. i dont know how he was able to craft A different non mass email email to people in FRONT of my own FACE!!!!
kaiya
_____________


HOW does he do this?

but it's so funny; some things just never get old.

hope all is well.
cadiz
_____________


and its funny how s, Kupsaroo and ale, like u, had no question in their mind... that an email straight from me... even if it was their first of a kind.... no question it had to do with highcon.

highcon told Kupsaroo... "can i tickle your pickle?"

_____________

bwahahahahaahahaa.

what did he tell the others?

_____________

"i wanna do you like they do it on the discovery channel."

"i want to run my fingers through your hair. i want to sing a song in my bra and panties."

"I'm over you."

"can i tickle your pickle?"

_____________

good LORD. he's hilarious.

_____________

somehow, this e-mail hijacking game never tires for our fair highcon. the first time there was a lot of confusion over kaiya writing such salacious things. but we caught on quickly and can spot him a mile away. all of these victims have known him for more than 8 years, some as long as 15. all are female. but what should be applauded is that the missives were sent out, unbeknownst to the real sender, in the span of what i can only guess was about 30 seconds.

nice work, hc. but next time, try to get the tone right; this prank was outright transparent.

my home will always smell of curry

this week post secret featured a postcard from an indian girl who secretly wishes she were white because she thinks "it would be easier."

reading that made me incredibly sad.

it's not *easy* for anybody in this world-- we all struggle to fit in. but her note just makes me wonder what the heck must have happened to her/in front of her bad enough to create a secret hope that she were someone else entirely. personally, i think it's all television's fault.

non-surfin' safari

so this past weekend i went out to cali to visit H. nearly every trip out there is an adventure, and this time we went on a google maps-induced goosechase to find this heavenly dumpling restaurant near Pasadena we'd sampled before and have been dreaming about ever since. after about an hour of driving around trying to follow directions that made no sense, we tossed those and found our own way. and despite the additional wait, it was well worth all the trouble.

the next day, we went on a safari-- of sorts. first we took a trip to Long Beach, passing some areas i have only heard of in rap songs. then we hopped on a very big boat and embarked for Santa Catalina Island.

Catalina's got wildlife: we saw dolphins jumping out of the water on the way in and took a submarine tour of Lover's Cove, where we fed fat, greedy and orange fish by "torpedo" and dodged kelp that can grow an inch an hour or 2.5 feet per day, given the right conditions if i heard the tourguy correctly. we also had to step over fish guts on the pier and sunbathers who didn't feel the need to remove their socks and running cleats while lying out on a "beach" virtually the width of a sidewalk. (or is it laying out? i'll never understand people who tan. or their lingo.)

then we took a two-hour rollercoaster ride up the mountain to the airport and back and saw some bison leaving presents along the road. it seems when they were making a movie there in 1924,('the vanishing american,' by zane grey) they hauled out some 1400 head of these huge, shaggy animals and didn't have the energy to round them up afterwards. turns out the beasts didn't even make the cut for the movie. so these hulking animals that look like buffalo but aren't buffalo because buffalo live in asia or africa so buffalo wings, 'buffalo' bill, buffalo soldiers and i guess the buffalo stance should all be named for bison instead. ok, maybe not that last one.

the beasts we really had to watch for zipped along streets and sidewalks, spewing exhaust and tooting their little horns. it seemed everyone and their mamma was driving a golf cart. and later we found out there's an 800-car limit for the whole island and a 14-year waiting list to get a non-golfcart vehicle.

but the best creature we saw on the trip had to be this adorable little girl who was about two years old. she was running circles around the square with her older brother and sister while her father ambled along behind, calling 'valentina, slow down!' she caught sight of me with my waffle cone and H with his twix bar sitting on a bench and stopped still in front of us. she cocked her head and smiled. i waved and H chuckled. then she turned around, put her hands on the ground and stared at us from between her little legs until the blood rushed to her head and she nearly fell over. then she'd run around in circles a few more times looking up at the seagulls gliding around, see us again and stop, flip over and smile. over and over.

looking at strange wildlife never gets old.