letter of the law

'hey daddy, where's that drivers' license facility you said isn't as busy? i have to get a state i.d. card.'

'it's just off church road. short lines, only takes ten minutes and you're done. all you have to do is show the yellow slip they gave you when you got pulled over.'

'uh, dad, i just realized i accidentally put my copy of the speeding ticket in with the check i mailed back to wisconsin.'

'WHAT?! why did you do that?! do you realize that you're essentially driving without a license? if you get stopped now, THEY'RE GOING TO PUT YOU IN JAIL!'

'man, you're always trying to scare me! why do you do that?'

'i'm not trying to scare you. i'm your father, i'm just looking out for you. that wasn't a very smart thing to do. why didn't you ask me if you didn't know?'

'i DID know, i just made a mistake.'

'when did you send it?'

'monday.'

'you've been driving around for FOUR DAYS like this? ugh. cadiz, what am i going to do with you? okay, just call the people out there and ask them to fax you a copy of the ticket. you've been lucky, but you don't want another ticket, do you?'

***

'hello, i was pulled over in your town a couple of weeks ago and i accidentally enclosed my copy of the ticket in with the payment of the fine. is there any way you can please fax it to me?'

'well ma'am, i just sent several things that were back from municipal court out yesterday, have you checked your mail?'

'i haven't received it. but i would feel better having some kind of proof of ticket.'

'well, i could fax it to you, but frankly ms. cadiz, i feel uncomfortable sending you that kind of information. the ticket has a lot of pertinent information about you, and i can't be sure it's really you who's requesting it.'

'what? who else would want a copy of a speeding ticket?'

'i know, ma'am, but i'm just trying to protect you. i wouldn't want to be responsible for things like your driver's license number and date of birth getting into the wrong hands. don't worry, if your license isn't in the mail today, it will be there tomorrow. and if you are stopped by your local authorities in the meantime, feel free to give them this number and we can verify that we issued you a ticket and that your driver's license is in the mail.'

'... i see.'

'thank you, and have a good day.'

***

'oh my god, can you believe they won't fax me my ticket? it was that same jerk who pulled me over in the first place! i recognized his name and by-the-book sanctimony. UGH! now what the hell am i going to do? show my passport when i get carded at dinner?'

'wait, when did they say you should get your license back in the mail?'

'today, why?'

'did you check already?'

'no, the mail wasn't here yet when i had first called and i thought it wouldn't be a big deal for him to fax it.'

'uh, because this envelope is addressed to you. from wisconsin.'

'are you kidding? it's my freaking license!'

'you can never do anything the easy way, can you?'