Thursday, May 19, 2005

sweet toothache

my father is addicted to sugar. it doesn't matter the form, he has to have it and he has to have it now. if there isn't any dessert, he will get spoonful of the refined stuff straight from the jar. on halloween, he buys candy for the neighbor kids and also a secret stash -- usually three times as big and ten times better quality -- for himself. you can always find three types of candy and at least one cookie variety in his car, and no box of chocolates makes it past a week at the house. one time when i asked him what the hell happened to the fannie may pixies mom brought home the night before, he said with no hint of a smile, 'it must have been the goblins.'

for someone who would spend 24 hours a day watching the news (if we had cable) to invent a scapegoat shows just how far gone he is in his addiction.

tonight he comes home from the hospital, arms full of stuff mom sent home. i had just come home from work.

'hey. how's he doing?'

'he's good; he even walked around a little today. i gave mom a rest and massaged his back for hours.'

'those knots still bothering him?'

'yep. but mom got a good four-hour nap, so that's good. oh, by the way, i had that haagen-dazs ice cream you had brought.'

'oh yeah, did he like it?'

'well, you know, he wasn't really in the mood for sweets today. he was cranky because he can't sleep.'

'uh huh...'

'and your mother said, 'why don't you take it home; we can't keep it in the nurses' fridge forever.' but you know, it probably would have melted on the way home, so i ate some. and then i thought, might as well finish it.'

'dad! so wait, let me get this straight: during all that time you were pressing out the knots in his back, somehow you had a chance to put away an entire pint of ice cream by yourself?'

'well... yeah. i didn't want it to go to waste.'

'so he didn't get to eat any at all, and mom didn't stop you?'

'you know she never lets me have any fun. i just waited until she fell asleep.'

'oh my god... well, do you want anything to eat?'

'are you kidding? i already had dinner. haagen-dazs. vanilla.'

you know you have a problem when you're pilfering goodies from the ailing and don't even feel the slightest bit of remorse.


omar said...

I hope to reach your dad's level one day. I was so thrilled this year for Valentine's Day and Easter, I bought all kinds of candy "for the boy." It was tasty.

Can't wait for Halloween.

Jon said...

Having been born on Halloween, I find it somewhat ironic that I have almost no sweet tooth at all. I had a little bit of one when I was younger, but now, I rarely, if ever, indulge. If anything, I lean more towards the fruit flavored candies anyway. Jelly beans are the only thing that even come close to interesting me. It’s kind of sad, I’ll get stuff for Easter, and it will last me the whole year. Too much sugar (and by too much I mean about ¼ bag of skittles) and I get a headache. It’s one of the very few things that give me headaches, I think that’s why I’m inclined to stay away.

Jon said...

Wow, “old friend” is still taking a beating. I honestly feel bad for you, however, in a bit of a serendipitous moment, I was able to completely restock my entire wardrobe with leather biking outfits. Who knows what other fantastic deals await… Seriously though, I think you officially have grounds for a lawsuit based on emotional stress.

cadiz12 said...

dammit. i spent 45 min getting rid of the stuff from yesterday. i had already resolved to get on the link train when i had a good chunk of time, but time seems to be sliding through my fingers like water these days. however, i think i'm wasting it on stupid crap like deleting the plague.

i love candy, but only in small amounts. too much of a good thing can go bad.

Jon said...

It’s too easy not to do it, and the payoff is huge. I think it’s weird that it’s only targeting that one post. Specially since mine has been left alone…

and I agree that too much of a good thing can go bad, which is why I only post a couple of times a week instead of every day. (I say this with an incredible amount of sarcasm)