Wednesday, June 29, 2005

watch your tail, Eeyore

this weekend, Paul Winchell, the man who did the voice of tigger, died. he was a famous ventriloquist and invented the disposable razor and one of the preliminary artificial hearts. He also did the voice of Gargamel on the Smurfs.

two days later, John Fiedler, the guy who did the voice of Piglet, passed away.

seems like an odd coincidence.
or a curse.

yes, this is the first post to date on 'Do they read obituaries in hell?' to address actual obituaries.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

fairy sandwich artist

i had a lovely weekend. spent some quality time with some actual people. handed out shots. realized old crap stopped bothering me. sat on pillows at a bar. found out how much one of my best friends loves me. watched cable. had a real macchiato at a cafe run by italians. took a yoga class. showered in a claw-foot tub. got caught in traffic. didn't really mind.

i went to Subway before my shift and got the combo. the woman asked me what cookie i wanted and i said oatmeal raisin. but then as i was fumbling for my change, she asked me again. i figured they were either out or she hadn't heard me and spotted the macadamia nut, so i said that one the second time.

when i got to my desk, i opened the bag to find she'd given me both. and i'm not even a regular.

that made my week.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Life is like The Legend

i'm not even going to bother to ask if you all remember the nintendo game Legend of Zelda.

let's just say that the main character, Link, has taught me a whole lot about life.

a) you won't get anywhere if you keep going in and out of the same old grove of trees. it may be pretty, it may be safe, but there just ain't gonna be nothing new. if you're happy with that, then that's your last stop.

b) make sure you have thoroughly searched said grove and everywhere else -- you could find something immensely useful. but don't waste too much time.

c) to accomplish anything, you need the proper tools.

d) the proper tools are NOT free. you will need to work or pay to get them. ONE by ONE.

e) you gotta learn to tell if someone is cheating you.

f) people will try and do it.

g) however, scary old men in caves can be your friends. don't judge.

h) the key to life (and the princess) is split into pieces that are hidden as far away from each other as possible in the most hard-to-reach places.

i) life (and legend) can be gd confusing.

j) half the time you don't even know what you're looking for until after you've found it.

k) sometimes you've changed your mind even after you've worked really hard to get something you thought you needed.

l) you WILL waste energy and resources on things that turn out to be useless, or even harmful to you.

m) you're going to get stuck. you will get frustrated. odds are, you're gonna need some help.

n) you're not invincible, after all.

o) sometimes life gives you second chances, but not too many.

p) you could do everything right, make it really really far, and then end up making one little mistake that could cost you your life. so you'd better freaking enjoy the trip while you're on it.

q) you're never going to come out of a fair fight unscathed. that's why there's medicine.

r) if you work really hard for something, you'll value it more.

s) it really pays to have a kick-ass themesong.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

paddywagons don't have seatbelts

now, i've never claimed to be anything besides naive. but when i was in college, at least i wasn't the only one.

it was the late '90s. toward the end of first semester, i took a trip to the big bad city to visit some of my friends who went to school downtown. i was already pretty jealous because they got to be there all the time, hanging out in cafes and *real clubs,* not just a strip of bars jazzed up with a smoke machine and a couple of strobe lights. even the trip up there was an eye-opener; i think the guy next to me on the greyhound bus had just been released from prison.

i got there, got the tour. the hallways looked like some fancypants hospital. they only had to share bathrooms with 4 people, not 22. they had brand-name fast food in their food court. and there was no sign of corn anywhere.

my friend was part of this honors program thing and so were all of the other people on her floor. these people made studying a social activity, but the geek factor was lower than i had expected; they knew their books but they knew how to kick it, too. that night there was buzz about a warehouse party. i was pretty excited. a party, like, in a warehouse? where i went to school, people get excited about barn dances.

and so the pre-party fashionshow began. i hadn't been sure of what to wear; it was just that time of year where you know you have to wear long pants but could probably swing anything from a tank top to a sweater. none of us thought to check the weather. i settled on a long-sleeved sweater that had a scandalous neckline (for me, anyway). i figured that'd be hoochie enough for the evening.

nine of us piled into two cabs, sitting on laps and ready to rock. my face was smashed up against the window and as we approached the place, i noticed the neighborhood looked a little sketchy.

'what is this?'

'the projects.'


'you know, like cabrini green? these are the robert taylor homes.'

'um, why'd they choose to have the party here?'

'it's not here, silly, it's a couple blocks over.

'oh, i feel so much better about it now.'

there wasn't much i could do but take solace in the fact that there was a group of us. we made our way to the party, which was on the eighth floor of this boxy brick building. no elevator. you could see the strobes flashing from the street.

as we walked in, i ran smack into the chest of this kid on whom i'd had an on-again/off-again crush since seventh grade. believe me, there was nothing spectacular about him, but he has always somehow disabled my chatterbox mode. unconvincingly, i avoided his smalltalk by pretending someone was calling me from inside the party, then winced about it for the rest of the evening.

this scene had it all. it was some guy's loft apartment, essentially just one really huge room that took up the entire floor. it had blacklights, strobes, about 15 giant speakers playing trancey-techno. it had a jello shot bar. it had a nitrous tank in the corner, which had to be explained to me and scared me enough to stay away from anyone holding a balloon for the rest of the night.

the evening was not short on drama. a very unlikely couple had hooked up and everyone was twittering about it. and i was still trying to get the jello-shot technique down without making a complete mess or cracking the cup. fun. the dancing, the talking, the schmoozing, the perusing. all of it.

and then the cops came.

all of a sudden the room started to empty, at first slowly then very fast, like air out of a balloon. i swear, one minute there were 300 people getting their groove on and the next, they all just disappeared. those school bus evacuation drills were damn handy because this exodus was perfect. I'm talking not a soul in sight after the first 6 minutes.

we of course ended up on the curb, waiting for my friend who had somehow been romanced into staying upstairs with some guy. on the way down i had yelled to her, 's, C'MON. police are here! Po-LEECE!' i assumed she was right behind me. no such luck.

so there we were, standing outside looking really freaking underage, and the cops were interrogating some shadier looking people. we hovered by the side, far enough away from the police, but not too far away. we were in the 'hood, afterall. about 10 minutes of heavy sighing, foot-tapping, watch-checking and eye-rolling later, s comes floating out the door, completely oblivious to the situation. and we had a major situation.

eight honors kids and one out-of-towner, on a corner two blocks from one of the most dangerous public housing projects in the nation at 3 a.m., without a cab in sight. no one had a cellphone back then. the only other living things in sight were cops. and on top of all that, it started to snow.

as a paranoid suburbanite with no city experience, i still sort of believed emergency people spent the bulk of the day rescuing kittens from trees. i approached the squad car.

'um, excuse me? officer? we're kind of, um, stuck here... i was wondering... um...could you use your radio thingy to... uh... call us a cab?'

he stifled a laugh.

'er, that's not really our job, miss. but i can tell you that there's a gas station about four blocks up and two blocks east of here. i'm sure they have a pay phone.'

i was like what the hell, aren't police supposed to be helping people? but off we went, linking arms to keep warm. i was thankful for that sweater.

we swarmed into the gas station, filtering down the cramped aisles. the guy behind the counter looked like he had been ambushed. someone made the call and we started devouring every snack in sight, from cheetos to beef jerky. the cab would be there in 20 minutes.

forty minutes later we thought maybe somebody should wait on the corner because the gas station was at a fork in the road. it was 4 a.m. and sleeting now. we sent the boys. then we called back. a cab was coming in 20 minutes. no one else we knew with a car was available, either.

an hour and two soaked boys later, there was a ruckus at a dive bar across the street from the corner where our lookouts were standing. we had officially called for 8 cabs by now and zero had actually come.

but you know who isn't afraid to come to the ghetto in the middle of the night? the cops.

as they were breaking up the altercation at the bar, one of them recognized our friends on the corner, looking like a pair of drowned rats. they came over and asked why the hell we were still there. we all put on our sorriest looking downtrodden expressions and explained how we had tried to get a cab but were so very stranded. they looked at each other.

'oh allll right.'

[winks] 'hop in.'

so that is how a bunch of future doctors and their naive friend got picked up by the cops at 4:30 a.m. in the middle of the housing projects and escorted back to the dorm in a very large, very sterile, very scary police vehicle.

we never did send them that box of thank-you doughnuts.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

empty year-marker

today was a day that used to be important, but isn't anymore. now it's just a thursday in june. even so, since the moment i woke up, i was waiting.

to feel something. anything at all.

but nothing came. maybe because for so long i had been doing nothing but feel. i might have overdosed. it's odd. to have the niagara falls of emotions falling out of you for so long, only to have it dried up on the day you were expecting to drown.

i'm not usually much for borrowing other people's words, but i like the very specific, yet somehow general, way she describes a situation.

plus i'm so dumbfounded for not having felt anything, i can't think of what to say.

even more strange -- i was overly happy all day. for no good reason.

perfect girl
s. mclachlan and p. marchand

Am I faithful, am I strong, am I good enough to belong
In your reverie a perfect girl
Your vision of romance is cruel
and all along I played the fool
All your expectations bury me

Don't worry
you will find the answer if you let it go
Give yourself some time to falter
But don't forgo
knowing that you're loved no matter what
And everything will come around in time

I own my insecurities
I try to own my destiny
That I can make or break it if I choose
But you take my words and twist them 'round
Til I'm the one who brings you down
Make me feel like I'm the one to blame
for all this...

you will find the answer if you let it go
Give yourself some time to falter
But don't forgo
knowing that you're loved no matter what
And everything will come around in time

'Cause you need everybody with you on your side
Know that I am here for you but I hope in time
You'll find yourself alright alone
You'll find yourself with open arms
You'll find yourself
you'll find yourself
in time

The riot in my heart decides to keep me open and alive
I have to take myself away from you
'Cause I can't compete I can't deny
there's nothing that I didn't try
How did I go so wrong in loving you

Don't worry
you will find the answer if you let it go
Give yourself some time to falter
But don't forgo
knowing that you're loved no matter what
And everything will come around in time

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

all them girls look the same

okay, so two weeks ago i was walking down the hall at work, minding my own business when i see this woman approaching. she's a tall skinny white girl with dark hair in a really short roundish bob haircut. she was wearing a trendy outfit and was smiling. like really smiling, not just the courteous upturn of corners of the mouth thing you do to people you haven't been introduced to.

but thing thing is, she thought she had. been introduced, i mean. to me.

'hey! how's it going?'

'uh, pretty good. how are you?'

'great! hey, when do you get off tonight?'

[looking confused] 'um, i think 11...'

'oh, that's too bad. i'm getting off at nine. we're all going to hang out at the [bar where everyone goes to chill after work]. you should totally give me a call on my cell and see if we're still there. maybe you can meet us!'

'uh... okay...?'

'great! hopefully we'll see you later!'

i was bewildered. i had never met that broad before in my entire life. i had seen her a couple times, but thought she was naturally that smiley. i ran over to my coworker and asked her to quickly identify her before she rounded the corner, but my coworker didn't look over in time. i was pretty sure the woman had confused me with that new intern from the east coast (who looks nothing like me, aside from the fact that we're both short brown girls with slightly frizzy hair.) dude, i know we all look alike, but still.

later, i asked my carpool buddy, who has been there a long time and knows everyone, for identifying help. she thought it could be one of several people, so i said i'd let her know the next time i ran into the woman.

so today i see that tall brunette bob walking through the cubicle area. i become extremely interested in my computer to avoid a weird interaction, and as soon as she passes, i get my friend's attention and start jerking my head in the woman's direction. my friend nods at me with a knowing look.

fifteen minutes later, i look up and see another, different, brunette bob walking through the desks. to my dismay, i realize that this in fact is the woman who had approached me that day, not the one from before. i run over to my buddy and tell her i was only kidding about the first one, but this one was the real deal.

on the drive home we pieced together who all the characters were. at first i was like what the heck, she can't even tell the difference between two brown girls with long hair! but then i realized that despite all that covert operating to learn her identity -- complete with head-jerking, whisper-shouting and complex hand signals -- at the end of the day i have the very same problem with skinny white girls with brunette bobs.

that moment, to me, was wildly entertaining.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

make a mistake. cringe. repeat.

have you ever noticed that whenever you do something stupid, you tend to do it over and over again in front of the same person? and how it's always somebody whose opinion of you would suit your life better if it were favorable? every other person thinks you're all right -- maybe even semi-intelligent -- but this one person just thinks you're a freaking moron.

and you keep proving them right.


Monday, June 20, 2005

SLANG, du-doh-da, du-doh-da, let the boys be boys

yeah, so i pepper my speech with a little slang.

at first it was natural, just here and there when it was appropriate. but years ago during my first job out of school, when i said something even remotely trendy, my immediate coworkers acted like it was such a big deal. they usually accompanied that with a 'huh?' face. so i took it upon myself to incorporate every single piece of ridiculous pop culture into my everyday professional speech. (i worked in a satellite office and wouldn't usually do this in front of the boss, but after awhile, i didn't even care anymore.) i've since laid off quite a bit because i think i made a dent.

the goal was to enable them not flinch in front of wrenchingly obvious ones like, 'ice' and 'the crib', but also have the ability to recognize slightly more nuanced words like, 'ganked,' 'jiggawhat,' and 'bounce.' i'm sure i was way underqualified (this is another arena where lack of cable hurts), but i considered it a noble cause.

i didn't think i was making any headway and that these women with book clubs and small children were simply tuning me out, but one day a sheltered coworker turns around, leaned over the cubicle partition and says to me with a completely straight face:

'dude, that report got completely jacked. i think ole boy is going to have a coronary!'

all i could say in response?

'fo shizzle.'

Sunday, June 19, 2005

the dork/geek question

The whole dork/geek thing in The Hundred baffled a few people. but now i'm starting to think that the definitions i was working off of are probably not widely accepted outside of a booth in murphy's pub. so i figure i'd try to clear it up.

long ago, over some beers far away, a friend and i discussed the difference at length. although the details are now kind of fuzzy, what i can remember are the very basics:

dorks are pretty well-rounded people who won't bother with pretending to be what they aren't. they have a genuine love for their own interests (i.e. knitting, chess, lacrosse, kites) and don't give a crap if other people think it's cheesy or lame or played out. they are open to learning about new things.

geeks tend to be overly obsessed with their genre of choice, showing off their expertise almost to the point of being annoying. they have little tolerance for those who aren't in the know and often speak to them condescendingly. many could care less about learning about the world. while they may be nice people, they often need to get out more.

most people who aren't trying to impress everyone they meet fall in the dork category (A-ok in my book). however, recently i've met some self-proclaimed geeks who are absolutely charming.

yeah, maybe i'm the confused one.

Friday, June 17, 2005

return of psychoblueeye

i was sitting here in the dungeon, minding my own business, when i hear voices from the piles of abandoned office equipment in an alcove around the corner. sure enough, psychoblueeye emerged, muttering to himself and shaking his head. what the hell he was doing among all the rotting cabinets and broken chairs, i'll never know. but it would be a great place to stash a body...

i called upon my powers of zen, scooted into my desk as far as possible and froze.

that was a close one.

sign of the times

every day as i'm stuck in the gridlock, i look around and take note of all the wonderous things around me. like the metal fences they're trying to grow moss all over, the random trees they're planting haphazardly all over the sides of the road, and litter in the shoulder.

but some of the sights have become important landmarks. you know you're halfway there when you pass the monster merger and two left-hand exits. you're sitting pretty if you're not stopped by the bank with the temperature and the perpetually fast time. and you're doing really well when you actually moving past the sixties-style, propped-up-by-posts-like-the-HOLLYWOOD-sign letters of a hospital on the left-hand side.

until today. today, i noticed that the old-school tan brick hospital that peeks out over the highway, the building with the plain old sign in big white block letters, calling to mind the 80's themesong credits of 'general hospital,' was different.

they changed the sign!

i can't believe it. that damn sign was so retro it was almost cool again! maybe in another 6 years it'd revolutionary. and what did they replace it with? a freaking plastic-y looking (that probably lights up) one like you'd see over a gas station or small-time stripmall bakery! one errant bird or flying rock from an untarped dump truck and this new sign is toast. the worst part is that the heyday of stuff like it came and passed in 1989.

now they're going to have to wait another 30 years to even be close to being retro-hip again. and it's just ugly to look at.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Yippie-kai-yay, mf

let me save all of you the trouble and admonish my own ass for never having seen 'Die Hard' before today. however, i am going to go ahead and blame my brother for knowing how much i like this stuff and failing to alert me of its quality until 17 years after it came out. but i think he was enjoying watching me watch it for the first time more than seeing the movie again himself.

what's not to love?

powerful women? check
international villan? check
robbers/terrorists? check
teddy bears? check
Run DMC's take on 'white christmas'? check
old-school computers? check
elevator shafts? check
hostages? check
crawling through vents? check
rampant cursing? check
automatic weapon shootouts? check
shattered glass? uh, check
blood? check
$640 million bucks? check
c4 explosions? check
helicopters? check
near-deathbed confessions? check
people falling out of buildings? check
jackass journalists getting punched? check

and the best part of the entire movie? CARL WINSLOW (as Al Powell). they must have signed him up for the tv show immediately after this.

i'm not sure which of you said it, but yes, John McClane is the best reluctant hero of all time (in my limited movie viewing, anyway).

i think i'm just a little bit in love with him.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

and i said hey!

every afternoon at 1:30 pm, as i sit with my lunch in front of the tv, i think to myself, 'Arthur' may just be the best show on television.

what other shows successfully put several semi-ambiguous animal species together on equal footing, teach life lessons through playground shenanigans, and throw in just enough subtle adult humor that you find yourself watching at rapt attention and singing that little ditty on the way into the office? it brings me right back to third grade.

i have learned that:

curse words have magical powers
delinquents are called 'tough customers'
ice cream shop mood music makes you dumber
the moose can't speak without his hand up some giraffe's ass
it's not cool to be a 'gleeper'

but i haven't been able to figure out what kind of animal binky is.

Arthur is on opposite 'the people's court,' and although marilyn milian is damn entertaining, i'm with the aardvark.

and besides, d.w. is a badass.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

The Hundred (or something like it)

some of the following may seem familiar. it has been a working list from which i continually snatch tidbits for my posts and comments. the ones that sound like other people's lists had been written before i saw theirs. you'll just have to take my word on that, because i hate cheaters.

1) i don't play around when it comes to loyalty

2) i named all my dolls 'maria' as a child, because i liked the woman on sesame street and how she and luis spoke another language. i still think it's a pretty name.

3) i have a very strong attachment to my car. i drive fast. and furious.

4) i can't parallel park under surveillance, but i ace it when i'm alone

5) i can't stand having naked toenails, but i rarely polish my fingernails

6) it takes a lot of willpower to pass the plant aisle and not come home with something

7) i'd wear sandals year-round if it weren't for snow

8) i need a flat pillow; cushy pillows suffocate me because i like to lie on my side or stomach

9) i must sleep in a made bed -- even if i have to make it right before getting in

10) i like milk with my pizza

11) i don't drink enough water, maybe because i hate being interrupted by nature's call. but i rarely feel thirsty

12) i cannot create on command, i have to *feel it* first

13) if i could think faster on my feet, i'd have wanted to be an MC. (i'd still like to be an 'in living color' fly girl, though)

14) i have no problem staying awake long enough to get the job done right. even if that means no sleep for 4 days

15) my grandmother was a tailor and a genius. i own practically every craft tool on the market in a feeble attempt to continue her legacy.

16) the smell of the fabric store and the book store make me close my eyes and smile

17) i always think of the perfect thing to say 20 minutes too late and then obsess about it for days

18) i love the sound of fingers sliding on guitar strings between the notes. especially during simple acoustic songs

19) i love when music changes from major to minor

20) i don't usually think about eating until there's food sitting in front of me.

21) i could easily be a vegetarian if it weren't for cheeseburgers

22) i will sit through a terrible movie if it includes great driving or great dancing

23) my hair can be curly or straight, frizzy or calm, but won't perform on command -- you have to appreciate what you can get

24) i'm forever casting my energy in the wrong direction. when i was very young i had a crush on a twin. and it was many years before i realized the other twin had had a crush on me; it explained the hitting me with his bookbag and nicknaming me after a dessert. the one i liked couldn't have cared less.

25) i react to the sound of creasing paper like most people react to fingernails on a chalkboard

26) i love to complain, and often i'm not even looking for a solution

27) my mother is one of my best friends

28) i don't want to die before i get to be somebody's mom

29) often i get a name stuck in my head -- maybe something i heard over the p.a. in junior high -- and it will repeat in my mind for hours at a time.

30) i can't truly love a song unless i love the lyrics

31) i'm picky about what music i own. it's very upsetting when i make a bad choice

32) waking up to my dad blasting his music and coming downstairs to piping hot homemade bread every sunday morning used to annoy me, but now it's one of my warmest childhood memories

33) my mother has the voice of an angel. i sincerely wish she had gone pro; even though that means i wouldn't exist

34) pleasing my family is ridiculously important to me. however, even i have limits. that is why i am not in medical school or married

35) i have a romanticized idea of extended family because all of mine live on another continent

36) i can't keep lipstick on for longer than 1/2 an hour. long-last only stays for about 3. i don't bother to reapply.

37) horror movie music scares the crap out of me

38) i'm terribly proud of my ethnicity and that of several other peoples

39) i rarely use the product i'm paid to produce when i'm off the clock

40) i can be extremely bossy

41) i was cocky in first grade when i only sort of had the skills to back it up. today i have the skills, but doubt myself at every turn

42) I am deathly afraid anticipating something I'm scared of, but in the seconds before i do it, I get an eerie sense of calm.

43) it's a sad day when i am forced to give up on something. i have only walked out on one movie (because my friend made a stink) and out of thousands, have only left two books unfinished (The Human Stain and Sophie's World)

44) i am often disappointed. i wish i could help it.

45) i am ridiculously superstitious and i read my horoscope every day.

46) i only have two major lines on my palm -- the one that's missing could be the heart line

47) i have freckles on my tongue, with which i believe i can curse people

48) i don't really get embarrassed unless i think i've hurt somebody's feelings

49) my eyes leak tears when i'm nervous

50) i'm addicted to the snooze button

51) i wish i could get up early when i didn't have somewhere to go

52) i rarely drink coffee but the day is not complete without at least one cup of tea-flavored milk

53) i've had my heart broken twice, but only once by a boyfriend

54) i can get very angry but it's hard for me to stay that way, even when my point is valid. there are people i'm not talking to anymore, but i can't remember why

55) whenever i care about something deeply, i guard it jealously. i know this is wrong

56) i need to have a good cry at least once a month

57) i cannot stand the consistency of chunky peanut butter

58) any black-and-white movie automatically gets my attention

59) easter parade is my favorite musical, and i'm not even sure why

60) i wish we lived in a time where men wore hats and ladies wore gloves

61) my favorite holiday is new year's day -- what other day is there such a great excuse to lie around, and it's a fresh start.

62) i abhor my middle name. my favorite day is thursday and my favorite coin is the dime. of these things there has been absolutely no doubt since i can remember, any other favorites fluctuate constantly.

63) when i was in high school, i used to watch 'mr. bean' on pbs very late at night instead of studying; i think it was funnier because i was trying so hard to laugh noiselessly

64) i sincerely believe my mother is the best cook anywhere and that my dad can fix nearly anything

65) i'd rather live in a small house but take fun vacations

66) i want to drive a race car at regulation speed. just once

67) someone once told me, 'everybody needs an editor.' at the time, i thought that was awfully pompous, but now i realize it's true.

68) the reason i'd like to make money is so that my kids can attend the college of their choice

69) i love to learn new ways to make beautiful things but seldom use the things i make

70) i've sworn off giving handmade gifts; disappointment means a part of myself fell short

71) i could never get a tattoo; the holdup is in the deciding and fear of commitment

72) i hate to live alone; i need ample time to myself, but i also need to know that someone else is in the vicinity or on their way home

73) i only applied to one college because i had a *feeling* about it without ever setting foot on campus. i have never regretted it

74) i am enamored by dorks. i cannot stand geeks.

75) i have pulsating hatred for people who run away from the messes they have made

76) my partner will be able to tutor math, enjoy doing dishes and will be good at directions and foot massage. he will also value thoughtfulness and talent and will not be fazed by excessive speeds or lane changes on the highway. when his arms are around me, i will forget my problems.

77) my passion is singing along with the radio

78) bliss is being able to take a long hot shower without having to hear one commercial

79) i talk in my sleep and sometimes keep my eyes open, though i've never really walked

80) to this day i love irises because they were the first heartfelt flower given to me by a someone, whom on the first date i told, 'flowers are useless; they just die.' despite my countless retractions, it took him nearly 4 years.

81) pretentious people and the fear of drug addiction are what kept me from pursuing an art degree

82) everything tastes better in foreign countries.

83) 'you're hell to get along with' by vonnegut is one of my favorite pieces of writing

84) i'm a perfectionist and a procrastinator

85) i'm one of few people who truly love a cheesy joke

86) people who know exactly what they want amaze me

87) i'd love to compete in 'the amazing race' but only after i've found the right partner and have learned to swim better and drive stick

88) i know way too much about the tv show 'friends,' but cosby is my all-time favorite

89) my first name is german, my middle name is romanian and my last name is portuguese. i am very nearly 100% of an ethnicity that is not any of those.

90) i subconsciously believe my brother is my responsibility because i prayed for a playmate when i was four

91) my family goes bananas over mangoes. secretly i only think they're okay.

92) at age 2 i could converse in chinese. now all i can say is 'my name is cadiz' and 'i farted'

93) i would much rather give gifts than receive them

94) a careless gesture can hurt me as much as sabotage; the truth is in the details

95) however i'm consistently amazed by the power of a heartfelt apology

96) i hold those i love to impossible standards, but hold myself to even higher ones

97) i love karen carpenter and ludacris equally

98) i loathe death metal and liver equally

99) the best compliment i have ever received: 'you're definitely not perfect, but you do things perfectly.' it's not true, but it made me feel really good.

100) i never know when to go to bed

Thursday, June 09, 2005

they come in threes

Girlspit nominated me to answer this series of questions, and there's nothing i love more than a questionnaire. here goes:

Three screen names you have had:

Three things you like about yourself:
the wholehearted ability to love
the artistic side
the fact that i don't settle

Three things you don't like about yourself:
the perfectionism
the overactive guilt
when provoked, the blazing temper

Three things that scare you:
horror movie music
i can be good at many things, but i may never be *great* at any one thing
there will be a day when i won't be able to ask my mother what she thinks

Three of your everyday essentials:
singing with the radio
toast and tea
a good laugh

Three things you are wearing right now:
a stripedy t-shirt
toenail polish in '20 candles on my cake'
anklets with tiny bells

Three of your favorite songs:
'Ice' by Sarah McLachlan
'Vivir Sin Aire' by Mana
'If You Really Love Me' by Stevie Wonder

Three new things you want to try in the next twelve months:
living by myself

Three things you want in a relationship:

Three things you can't do without:
feeling essential
interesting company

Three places you want to go on vacation:
south america

Three things you just can't do:
wake up without at least one snooze
sit still when there's a dope beat
have a good night's sleep when someone i love needs me

Three kids' names:
okay i'm going to cheat on this. i have spent years trying to come up with names that would suit my three criteria:
mock-freeness and relative ease in pronunciation
beauty in long or short form
(so far i have come up with only one, but i saw that episode of seinfeld, so i'm not telling.)

Three things you want to do before you die:
be someone's mom
not think of my job as work
win The Amazing Race

Three celebrity crushes:
Cary Grant
The Transporter
and, yes, Adam Sandler

Three people I nominate to complete this exercise:

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

out with the old

this afternoon as i was driving into work, i turned to the oldies station, only to hear john mayer and suzanne vega.

last time i checked, they weren't rockin the mic during the sixties and seventies.

looks like they killed the magic station in favor of some we-play-anything copycat called something like jack. as in what they don't know.

it now sounds exactly like five other stations on the dial.

magic was very strategically set to be three clicks away from preset number 3 and two clicks up from the cheesy light station, (both of which i didn't want to waste a button on, but visit once in awhile for variety.) this screws up my whole subconscious channel flipping system.

and besides, where the hell am i going to get that little taste of old school that i've come to rely on? granted, i understand 'Earth Angel' is currently too old and 'i just called to say i love you' is too new, but i thought they had been doing a pretty decent job. for god's sake, don't they consult anyone or do any surveys before taking such drastic measures?

it's a sad day in commuting when programming directors have f-ed around with your preset system.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

real sharp couple of coconuts

tonight i finally saw 'Rocky.'

but i think i might have enjoyed it better if i could have turned off the little voice in my head that kept saying, 'is this the part where he's gonna say, 'yo Adrian!'?' because i've always heard people say that about this movie.

that's what you get when you see something post-hype.

however i was impressed that stallone wrote the flim. and the scene where they got together was actually pretty believable.

my brother says i need to see the other three. and supposedly, they're trying to make a fifth one. but i think i'm not going to mess around with a good thing. besides, i still have to get through all the terminators, and the die hards, too.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Oh, what a feeling! toyota

(okay, so this post doesn't really have anything to do with toyota, but something reminded me of the father-in-law from that billy crystal referee movie, who kept saying the jingle over and over. i'm so going to be like that when i'm old.)

you know that feeling you get on the first day of class? you stroll in, try to find a seat and take in the vibe. i usually get either a very good feeling, like 'yeah, this is going to be a good semester/year/environment/people' or just 'eh.'

but just thinking about it, that vibe is usually dead-on, and in several instances uncannily so.

*in mrs. ritzel's seventh-grade foreign language class i liked german, really liked french and loved spanish. when she gave the speech about studying abroad, i said to myself, 'oh i am SO going to spain.' Junior year in college, i found myself getting off a plane and staying with a woman whose knowledge of English consisted of 'happy birthday to you' and 'thank you.' they were some of the most amazing months of my life.

*thumbing through one of those mind-numbing books of college listings, i looked at a chart of schools with dots next to the corresponding majors they offered. as indecisive as i am, i lingered over the one with the most dots. it ended up being the only school i really applied to without even so much as looking at a campus brochure. i loved my school and i have never regretted that decision.

*i signed up to live in a dorm triple my freshman year, with strangers. the girls i was paired with didn't know each other either, but had a mutual friend who decided to enlist in the navy at the last second. they were both great roommates, and i ended up living with one of them for nearly five years. to this day i'm scared of getting a new roommate because i had gotten so lucky the first time around.

(side note: i had only spoken to the roomies on the phone before trekking down to school. i had no idea what they looked like. but on that first day, hauling my stuff up the elevator, we passed a family coming downstairs. my mom turned to me and said, 'that girl. that one in the overalls. she's your roommate.' when we got upstairs, we saw that one of them had already arrived and claimed the corner spot. she'd even put up her family photo. it was the same girl -- my long-term roommate.)

(even odder side note: when her mother saw me and my family in the lobby, she turned to her and said, 'that little girl with the long hair? i think that's your roommate.')

*i had heard about a boy this girl on my floor went to high school with. she had said he'd be perfect for me. unknowingly, i saw him at a reggae party during the first week of school. there was some kind of magnetic connection. after a formal introduction, we were together nearly six years even though we really didn't have much in common. i truly believe we'd still be driving each other nuts if we were in the same state.

*i test-drove about six cars. my car was probably number two or three. i knew i had found my match before i even put the key in the ignition, and the others were just to appease my father. i love my car; i will most definitely cry when i have to give it up.

*on the first day at a new job, i saw this girl who really looked like she didn't take any b.s. even her accent was a little intimidating, but somehow i knew i'd get along with her. several years and other jobs later, she's one of my closest friends and i even stood up in her wedding. we often say that we're of one mind.

*i attended a seminar at the place i currently work years ago and said to myself, 'i'm going to work here someday.' it was the only one of several companies where i felt that. and look, here i am, in the dungeon today.

not so uncanny, but still interestingly, nearly all of my long-term/good friends made a distinct impression when i first met them.

-one was a new girl in fifth grade that people said *looked just like me* (totally untrue; the similarities end with race)

-one i used to ogle for her gorgeous fingernails (i was a nail-biter)

-one was paired with me for frog-dissection (we had eerily similar handwriting)

-one forgot his sheet music and was trying to gank mine in the orchestra pit (even though we don't even play the same instrument)

-one was the only other sane-looking person in enriched physics (and kept me from self-destruction because of the evil teacher)

-one took me in after a 30-second long-distance phone call at the recommendation of her college roommate and then salsa-ed with me all summer. (maybe that's a testament to them -- but they aren't in touch anymore and we are)

there was one person i was going to include, whom i was very good friends with for a very long time. but i couldn't recall the moment i met her. i just spent about 10 minutes trying to remember. what did come to mind is how she totally betrayed my trust, humilated me and after all the drama, never sincerely apologized. not such a good friend in the end. i should have known; that first meeting wasn't etched in my mind.

hm. maybe there really is something to the whole *you'll just know* thing.

Friday, June 03, 2005

adding injury to annoyance

all day i had the hiccups.

hiccups annoy me to no end.

especially when i'm at the store and i'm trying to talk to the clerk.
especially when i'm singing along at the really fast and tricky part of the song.
especially when i'm at the meeting and trying not to draw attention to myself.
especially when i have an issue and i have to discuss it with a colleague.
especially when i'm trying to make a deal with a representative on the phone.

hiccups kill my street cred.

so i tried to drown them with water. i swallowed it in hefty gulps.
unfortunately, during one of said guzzles, i hiccuped.

i choked.
i gagged.
i think i bruised my esophagus. i'm serious.
no, actually i'm just fine. but it was irritating anyhow.

and the damn things still didn't go away.

my mother says that when you get the hiccups, someone is thinking about you.

well, she needs to cut it out. they're pissing me off.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005



'if you really break it down, there are two types of women: the girl you want to have as your wife and the girl you want to have as your mistress.'

'that's crap.'

'yeah, but that's the way it is. i'm struggling with the idea that i'm the kind of girl who's going to be the perpetual mistress.'

'don't be silly; of course you're not. just stop talking to boys who are taken. i want to be both. why does it have to be so black and white anyway?

'let's be realistic. it's not, but if you take away all the messy details, it all boils down to something like that. in my experience, guys are just out to have a good time. but you -- sorry -- but you're totally the wifey type. you just have that domestic vibe.'

'what the hell are you getting at? are you saying i'm boring? excuse me, but you happen to think i'm damn fun to be around. and you know about my allergy to doing dishes. what's with you?'

'no, i meant it in a good way! the wife is the one who gets all the respect, the security, the commitment. the mistress is all about the moment.'

'sounds like a hell of a commitment if he's freaking cheating on you. where did you hear this crackass theory anyway?'

'some guy at a bar.'


'i like variety, but i kind of like a little routine, too. you know, like seeing the same people at the coffee shop every day or passing the same security guard at the end of the night. it's comforting.'

'you would make a good wife.'


'you like routine. that's what wives are about, right? like laundry, cooking, etc.'

'wait a sec. you're saying that because i like enough continuity to be able to know the guard's name, that automatically means i should be doing some guy's laundry every saturday morning?'

'well, that's what it's about, isn't it?'

'your mother spoiled you rotten, didn't she.'