Friday, June 03, 2005

adding injury to annoyance

all day i had the hiccups.

hiccups annoy me to no end.

especially when i'm at the store and i'm trying to talk to the clerk.
especially when i'm singing along at the really fast and tricky part of the song.
especially when i'm at the meeting and trying not to draw attention to myself.
especially when i have an issue and i have to discuss it with a colleague.
especially when i'm trying to make a deal with a representative on the phone.

hiccups kill my street cred.

so i tried to drown them with water. i swallowed it in hefty gulps.
unfortunately, during one of said guzzles, i hiccuped.

i choked.
i gagged.
i think i bruised my esophagus. i'm serious.
no, actually i'm just fine. but it was irritating anyhow.

and the damn things still didn't go away.

my mother says that when you get the hiccups, someone is thinking about you.

well, she needs to cut it out. they're pissing me off.

18 comments:

Andy said...

Yeah... like the whole "ears burning" thing.

Amazing that people talk about me the moment I go from an extremely cold environment to a warm one.

Can't they wait until I'm out in the cold? At least some part of me would be warm...

Ale said...

Cadiz, YOU HAVE TO HOLD YOUR BREATH! next time just consult with me immediately :)
how about this one: when you have a dream about someone, that means they're thinking about you.

Pyschic Pimp said...

Next time try these tricks: Drink water from the opposite side of the glass or have a spoonful of peanutbutter (I actually have not tested that one, just recently heard it).

As for other sayings,how about: When your hand itches, that means you will come into money.

omar said...

Yes, drinking "upside down" water works. Of course, doing that might kill some of your street cred too...

Jon said...

I think the hiccup cures very to the individual. What works for me may not work for someone else. I do one armed pushups. I am too weak to do one armed pushups, but all the effort and concentration I put into trying makes the hiccups go bye bye. Again, maybe not for everyone. I also have no street cred, so none can be lost by my attempting one armed pushups, however, if I had any, it would most certainly be gone by then.

I also don’t buy that stuff about how someone is thinking about you. I’d like to think that when someone is thinking about me, my body is healthy and in good shape, not that I’m now suffering some horrific bodily malfunction because someone else is thinking about me. “Oh look, Jon is having a seizure… That’s sweet, someone must really be thinking about him.”

Anonymous said...

Akshay:

Poor thing you. Water normally works. Am amazed it did not this time.

How have you been this week?

Ahhh the weekend gets closer, sadly there is work to be done this weekend. Arrrgggh, I need a repeat of last weekend

jazz said...

i second that jon has no street cred.

i try to drink out of a glass of water with a pencil across my mouth (pencil between lips lengthwise). its almost impossible to do, but i think that's teh point. concentrate on something really hard.

Modern Viking said...

I actually developed an immunity to hiccups back in the 7th grade. I didn't have a single hiccup for 10 years after that, until just a couple weeks ago... Do you have any idea what it feels like to have that first hiccup after 10 hiccup-free years? I thought the apocalypse was gonna come out of my chest! It's definitely time to figure out what the hiccup equivalent of a booster shot is...

Jon said...

Thanks for backing me up Jasmine. If there was any question at all in the minds of others as to whether or not I really did have any street cred, such childish thoughts have now completely vacated their minds. Again, I can’t thank you enough for backing me up.

cadiz12 said...

thanks for all the good hints, guys. i had never heard of the pencil one or the peanutbutter one. i'll def have to try those. don't worry akshay, by the time i got all the good tips, the hiccups had vanished.

i did try the water thing, but when you're working with a narrow-mouthed dasani bottle, it's a little tricky. omar, i think it'd up my cred. (only if i could do it successfully, though.)

andy, i only have the ears burning thing when i've slept on one side of my head too long. but it's kind of tingly and very painful. does that count? i love winter hats and i have long hair so the outside/inside ear thing doesn't really affect me.

ale, i had a dream that i wrote to ellen degeneres and she asked me onto her show, upon which i was made to do acrobatics and i fell on my face. does that mean she's going to call me?

psychic, my mom says left hand=get money right hand=lose money. but she never said what happens if it's both hands. i break even?

jon, one armed pushups? i think that's a little above my level. it's amazing how quickly muscles can go into atrophy after a mere 6 months without doing a single coffeegrinder. jasmine, i think jon has more street cred than you think; his coworkers live in fear of his parking next to them.

wow, viking. 10 years? must be how seinfeld felt after not having vomited in 7 years.

Jon said...

It is true, I have one known skill, and that is my ability to park a car. All of my other skills are unknown, even to me. When I discover them, I’ll let you know. (by the way, received an angry email the other day regarding my parking to close, and it’s to my understanding that the VP of the company was bcc’d on it. One, that’s just cheap, and two, VP has said nothing to me so far. Of course, when I asked him for a second monitor following my promotion awhile ago, he said, “why don’t you sh*t in one hand and wish in the other and see which one fills up first.” I never got back to him with my results because they didn’t turn out like I had hoped. My guess is he had some other pearl of wisdom for the whiner that didn’t know how to park properly.)

cadiz12 said...

what an ass. don't people get dragged into hr for saying bs like that? and what a wuss, including the boss on a blind copy. if you've got beef, at least be up front about it for god's sake. what did you respond and how did you find out about the bcc?

Modern Viking said...

Haha,
I love Seinfeld.
And the truth is, I can't even remember the last time I vomited... but it's been at least 12 years...

Jon said...

Actually, I get along pretty well with the VP, after he told me what to do about that second monitor, he rubbed my head and I immediately accused him of sexual harassment and the only way I would drop the suit is if he would give me a second monitor. No dice. My roommate told me that he got the email. She hangs out and drinks with the big wigs a lot. I didn’t actually respond to the email. The point of the email was to get me to move my car, which I did. Honestly, it wasn’t worth my time, and the last thing I want is office drama. When the usual crowd of smokers (you know, I’m kind of jealous of all the breaks the smokers get to take… I don’t smoke, but I wouldn’t mind taking a 10 minute break every half hour) saw me move my car, they asked me why I was moving it, and I made some comment about how the whiney babies that own the giant truck that’s too big to fit in these spots anyway and was parked like crap sent me an email demanding that I move it. Here’s the thing though, my car was between two white lines, it was their stupid truck that was way over into my space. Granted, they were there first, but that doesn’t mean they get two spaces. Not to mention they still had a ridiculous amount of space on the drivers side, so with an extremely minimal amount of effort, they could have gotten in, backed straight out, and then the other (by the way, I don’t think I mentioned that I was deal with a husband and wife combo. And yes, the nepotism is rampant where I work.) could have climbed it really doesn’t seem like that much of an inconvenience to me… but now I’m all worked up and bitter about it again. I need to let it go, but I think the venting helped a little bit though. I apologize to anyone that read this and got to the end and realized they don’t care at all about my parking situation. I wish I could give you your time back. I haven’t figured out how to do that yet, but when I do, rest assured, I will reimburse you.

cadiz12 said...

no problem, jon. hell, you guys listen to me bitch about the dungeon all the time.

husbands and wives really shouldn't be working together. i can only imagine the strain of not getting a chance to miss your significant other. and it won't last -- either the job situation or the marriage is gonna go; at least that's been my experience.

Jon said...

This marriage looked pretty shaky from the get go. Maybe it’s because the husband hits on all the girls at work… I don’t know, we’ll see. But it’s kind of weird how my job works. I work with a ton of my friends; it’s kind of ridiculous. When I started there a little over two years ago, there were 30 people. Now there’s 300 in our office and a couple hundred others in our Texas and Florida offices. And even though I work with my friends, I hardly ever see them. I’ll go a full week without running into them on the job. My roommate works there too, and I see her less now than I ever did. We work on different floors, and we might as well be in different countries. So I don’t think working in this company will hurt their marriage, I think the husband being a sleazy scumbag will ultimately be their demise.

omar said...

Viking, you're like the guy from Unbreakable! Watch out for Mr. Glass.

Modern Viking said...

Hehe...
Not quite, Omar. I broke my toe last year, and I think I got Malaria last time I was in Brasil. But everything fixes itself in time.