parking is the least of my worries

H flew out and will be hanging out with me downtown at the condo for nine days. we have a very packed itinerary, but seeing king tut at the field museum will not be on it as we were too slow to book the tickets and the king's moving on to philly in 2007. however, H will be holding my hand as i come to grips with not having a car for so many days and we'll attempt to get around via public transportation. it'll be the longest we've ever been in the same zip code.

time will tell.

when love boggles the mind, you need a genius

kaiya and cadiz discuss kaiya's christmas card to kai's "he's-not-my-boyfriend-but-i-REALLY-like-him-friend," via instant messenger:

kaiya: cadiz, i already wrote s a nice christmas card, but i got him one to go with the actual gift, too."

cadiz: what's theprob?
mail one to him and give the one with the gift.
that way he'll be thinking of you MORE when you're gone on vacay for 3 weeks

kaiya: he has the first one i wrote him up on his fridge
im not sure what i should write on the second one
i mean the first two cards i gave him he "reveres"

cadiz: just put a lipstick mark in it

kaiya: HAHAHA

cadiz: that says it all

kaiya: i can put my perfume on it
HAHAH thats so conceptual

cadiz: so designy, right?

kaiya: so nothing in this one except LIPS!!
he LOVES my lips!!!

cadiz: even better

kaiya: YOU ARE funny
could i really pull off a card with just lips!!!!

cadiz: i'm a genius

kaiya: but is that too

cadiz: STOP OVERTHINKING

kaiya: cheesy 1980's high school?
Breakfast Club?
not that the idea is cheesy, but you know
the whole lipstick thing

cadiz: i thought you guys were all about joking. when you're "courting" the cheesier the better

kaiya: ok ok ok

cadiz: if you pull it off right, it won't be cheesy

kaiya: it's true
so how do you pull it off RIGHT?

cadiz: well, use your ACTUAL lip color, not some 1920s-movie star color

kaiya: it's like my other ones were so emotional, as a person i like you, blablabla

cadiz: so it'll look like "what i really wanted to give you was a hug and a kiss but i couldn't put it into words"

kaiya: should it say "These lips are yours this holiday season"

cadiz: the perfume and lips say it all
i say no words

kaiya: love, kai

cadiz: that's inherent in the lips/perf

kaiya: that's interesting because the card is brown

cadiz: DAMN, i should have done this myself!

kaiya: as in paper bag brown so would it "hold" the kiss very well as opposed to stark white

cadiz: glue in a white square inside

kaiya: ok and this is after knowing that he loved what i wrote in teh other two cards

cadiz: you're changing it up. keeping him on his toes

kaiya: and now i switch it up. f*ck yes!
what about my name?
ANYTHING? ADDRESSING HIM????
ANYTHING???
GOD WHAT A PERFECT LEAVE BEHIND
AND MY LIPS!

cadiz: yep. to remember you by

kaiya: DO I SIGN IT OR ADDRESS HIM
YOU SAY NO SIGNING
WHAT ABOUT ADDDRESSING HIMM?
why am i screaming?

cadiz: you're getting hysterical

kaiya: my caps lock stuck
i think i need to address him otherwise its a card to ?

cadiz: you're putting it with the present, no?

kaiya: yea but people like personalization NO?

cadiz: kai. do what you feel. i think writing nothing would really convey the point, but whatever you think is best. he's not my non-bf

kaiya: :)
i just did it and i dont like it
SHIT
i practiced on white paper and it looked fine
it LOOKS SMOOSHED should i get another card?

cadiz: then cut out the white and glue it on top.

kaiya: OHHHHHHH GOOD ONE
DAMN
SHIT
but that won't look good

cadiz: i'm waiting for you to acknowledge my genius out loud

kaiya: HAHAH
NOT UNTIL THE FINISHED PRODUCT LOOKS PRESENTABLE
F*CK I NEED BLACK PAPER TO FRAME THE THING OR MORE BROWN PAPER OOHHHHHH MAYBEEEEE RED TISSUE PAPER!!!

cadiz: red.

kaiya: this is a disaster
should i tear it or perfect square

cadiz: you're making it so hard. does that go with the style of the card? is it a flowy style or sharp?

kaiya:its like ornate like an indian sari

cadiz: sharp

kaiya: but simple just gold and red
sharp design lines
too much room for error with tearing but ornate

cadiz: STILL WAITING ON THE GENIUS ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

kaiya: ITS STILL NOT COMING TOG
really seems "empty" without address and sign

cadiz: of SOME kind
damn, girl it's like pulling teeth

kaiya: i think it might be really cute if i address him,
the kiss,
love, kai
and its like THEN the "kiss" says everything

cadiz: do what you think is right
but i know in my heart that i'm a genius and you don't have to reaffirm that to me. i just don't understand why you won't even acknowledge that it was a good idea from me.
like later you'll tell people oh i did this
no mention of the cadiz
which is fine, but at least acknowldege it to me

kaiya: OK THE IDEA IS GENIUS BUT MY EXECUTION SUCKS

cadiz: thank you.

****
later, via text message:

kaiya: Call me! Btw he loved the card. He even kissed it. You are a genius.

cadiz: glad to hear it!

unwritten rules are the ones that count

word on the street is that you don't talk about salary during the first interview. after much discussion with my peers, i have come to the conclusion that not having any idea whatsoever is just a little bit ridiculous. because you can go through rounds of interviews courting/being wooed by a company with everyone loving each other, but if at the end of the day you don't see eye to eye on compensation, all that do-si-doing really doesn't mean anything. this *rule* seems to favor the employer every time, and especially against a person considering several options with varying deadlines. i see how bringing up the topic can come off as bad form, but if you're not discussing all potential dealbreakers, it ends up being a waste of everyone's time.

thoughts?

last day (pt. 2)

when mel and i got to the karaoke bar, a few people were there already, sipping on mai tais. we hung out and swapped stories about the company until the rest of the crew arrived and the festivities began.

not everyone sang, but i held anyone who had promised to take the stage to their word. and though some may not have been happy with their performances, i thought everybody was fantastic. i can't believe it'd taken me, a girl who even sings along to commercials, so long to experience coordinated lounge singing. i got on stage and the mic started to shake violently (which seems to be a trend this year). or maybe it was just my voice. i realized that even though in my head i can sing along with ms. karen carpenter, there's a distinct difference between your range when no one's listening and the one you have when you get up in front of a crowd. i had some trouble holding the low notes, but i didn't see anyone cover their ears. regardless, it was my party and it was really fun. here is our collective contribution to the entertainment of the evening:

"summer lovin'," from Grease (duet)
"what's up," four non-blondes
"crocodile rock," elton john
"night shift," the commodores (VERY appropriate considering the company)
"margaritaville," jimmy buffett
"you give love a bad name," bon jovi (a boisterous quartet)
some frank sinatra song that had everyone mock slowdancing up front
"nuthin' but a'g' thang," snoop dogg featuring dr. dre (duet) with cadiz dancing backup
"superstar," karen carpenter

we closed out the karaoke place and because we were having so much fun, we moved the party around the corner to a bar that had a dance floor. my supervisor TORE it up on the dance floor, proclaiming, "THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE SINGING!" i didn't agree completely, but i'll admit that after getting on stage, being silly getting our groove on seems like child's play.

it was a great evening. because it wasn't close to the office, was on a thursday night went till 4:30 a.m., i'm happy so many people came out and stayed so long. someone pulled me aside at the bar and said she wished i'd leave every week. yeah, i'm going to choose to believe she meant that she was enjoying herself. and considering the circumstances it sure beats the usual sendoff tradition, which would have had all of us standing around at the local dive bar discussing how i don't have anything lined up and all the things wrong with the people running the company.

i think i've got my karaoke fix for a good while. but if i have a hankering to serenade again, i know just the people to call.

rejoice

merry Christmas, everyone.

i'm so thankful that i can be at home with the ones i love the most (even if some of them are in the other room watching football) and not stuck in the dungeon like last year.

i hope all of you have a safe and warm december 25, surrounded by your favorite things, too.

love, cadiz

last day (pt. 1)

it was raining on my last day of work. i was already in a bad mood due to a series of events that included someone feeling the need to vacuum at 8 a.m. and someone else feeling the need to clean the bathroom right when i needed to shower in order to leave on time. it didn't matter anyway, because i had to stew in gridlock traffic and was late anyhow.

on the fourth floor-- the heart of the tower-- the majority of people work in one colossal room roughly the size of a junior high school gym, in cubicles with walls that come up to my hip. it's like one big bustling, phone-ringy, television-buzzy, chattering classroom. except when things are really busy and there's either an eerie hush or else the whole joint is going berserk. i'm really going to miss that.

my last week i was scheduled to work in another section, tucked away in an alcove in the back. the people who work there are serious, and there is very little idle chatter despite a constant and generous bounty of sugary snacks, cakes and cookies. my friend mel says every time she works back there, she can feel herself gaining weight and i'd have to agree.

i thought being back there was a lucky place to finish out my contract. the shifts usually end earlier than in the big room and there's a convenient side door through which you can get right onto the street. i was planning on finishing up and escaping for a nice fat cheeseburger at Boston Blackies with mel before we met up with the coworkers. after i sent my last report to the dungeon, i wrote a brief email saying it was a pleasure working with everyone and all the best during the holidays and the future. i hit send, then put my nameplate in my bag and put on my hat and coat. mel said we had to make a stop in the big room to arrange where we'd meet up with the the crew later.

8 p.m. was probably a good time to make an exit, because that's when things are pretty calm in the big room. and it was thursday; nearly everyone in the office was present, save for the really important folks who tend to work 9-to-5, have weeks off during the holidays and their own parking spots in the lot. standing near jeff's desk, a few people came up to me for hugs and to wish me well and ask me where i was going. unobligated people, too, who surprised me by telling me the company was making a mistake by letting me get away. i cherish these remarks because as a worker ant in a gigantic company like that, you often can't gauge how well you're doing and i tend to assume everyone thinks i'm a moron. i said my see-you-laters and my happy-holidayses and thank-you-so-muches, turned and started the long walk across the big room to the elevator.

as i started to walk away, everyone in the room began to applaud. i'm talking everybody-- my colleagues, the cleaning staff, people in the back who i had never even met and even the higherups. i had seen this happen a few times before, but the recipients had been important, high-ranking, long-term people and i know they don't do it for everybody. i had just assumed i'd sneak out of there without incident. i was shocked and overwhelmingly honored.

it was like something out of a movie, and i saw it in slow motion. people hooted and whistled and some even stood up. i didn't know what to do, so i just kept looking back and waving. and each time i did, i'd lock eyes with a different person: man, i'm not going to see that guy amble over and say "yell-lo" in his radio voice again. oh geez, she won't be showing me her Spanish homework anymore. dude, i had only just discovered that those two could discuss America's Next Top Model with me. damn, i didn't think that cranky person who liked to yell at me would be clapping, too. whoa, i didn't recognize her as a blonde. it was surreal. during those 12 seconds, all the crappy shifts, broken promises, commuting, parking, psychotic schedules, times i'd missed with family and friends to allow this job to consume my life, all the insecurity i'd had about how i was doing or if these people i find so intelligent and intimidating regarded me as anything other than a peon seemed resolved.

my eyes welled up. even if it were just for a moment, i felt validated. and i can't think of a better way to go.

bone dry

"hey, are you going to send me those reports or what?"

"i'm sorry, we had some stuff come in late so we're running behind."

"they're almost 45 minutes late! but you don't care, right? you're leaving."

"of course i care!"

"why? what are they going to do, fire you?"

"yeah, but i care about my integrity, you know?"

"eh. when's your last day?"

"tomorrow."

"and they didn't offer you any kind of severance?"

"nope."

"you didn't go in there to try and negotiate? you should have."

"well, i was on contract. now it's over. what's to negotiate?"

"eh, well, they pretty much suck you guys dry anyway, right?"

"every last drop."

"well, i'm sorry to see you go. i'll miss you."

"i'll miss you, too."

"now can you send me some reports?"

27 hours and thirteen minutes

i'm finding it extremely hard to concentrate on my job today. i think my work would be exponentially better if a) i had a caffeinated beverage b) i knew i'd be going home soon or c) tomorrow wasn't my last day.

don't be a stranger

i can admit that i'm a sentimental person. i probably still have about 91% of the ticket stubs from shows i've attended. i press flowers from different countries i've visited. i even make sure to save the best text messages to fawn over later. but two days from the end, i still haven't really gotten misty over leaving this job.

maybe it's because it doesn't *feel* real. i haven't known whether i was coming or going half the time for the last two years, so this almost feels routine. the coworkers just discovered a new take out place just in time for me not to sample the entire menu, which saddens me. but i still joked around and laughed with them, not realizing because of the shifts it'd be the last time i'd sit with most of them. it's going to be sad not seeing them much, if at all, anymore.

but i didn't start really getting blue until i was riding the shuttle back to the fortress (near which i have discovered a nice place to put my car so i don't have to troll around for a spot and give half my paycheck to the city in tickets) with my favorite driver, roy. this guy is what i imagine cc's little boy will look like when he's about 68. except he's a little unkempt. roy's a real sweetheart who's missing a few teeth and had to have a triple bypass earlier this year because his diet includes giant bags of potato chips and pop by the liter. i told him that thursday would be it for me and he asked if i was going on vacation. then after i said, "nope. after thursday i won't get to ride on your shuttle anymore," he asked me if i had a computer and advised me to "go on that computer and find yourself another job that pays twice as much, and then come back and ride my shuttle and tell me all about it."

i was thinking about what it would take to actually swing that, and wondering if roy will even still be with us when i could manage it. because it's during the goodbyes when we make promises that no one would hold us to as a way of expressing how much we care. and that's what made me really sad.

the time has come

it's my last night in the dungeon.

while i still have three more days to work in the tower (yeah, there's a tower, a fortress and a dungeon, but there's no point in explaining all that now.) this is my last hurrah in cell block "D".

i took the job 2 years ago, shortly before i started this blog. it was a 2-year contract for which i will have served all but six days. and that's only because unlike last year, i'd like to spend Christmas surrounded by family, food and ripped-up wrapping paper, not cinderblock walls and whatever crusty substance growing inside the ceiling they so sweetly exposed by taking off all the panels:






working evenings, weekends and holidays is like being a ghost in your own life. you're present, but the world moves along without you. you communicate via email and telephone, even with ones who live in your house. people call you from parties while you're at work to tell you they miss you. and you can go six months without seeing friends in your own zipcode. there is no "dinner break," set "weekend" or "hours" (start times can vary by up to five hours and end times are at the mercy of the reports). i have rarely known my schedule much more than two weeks in advance, so making plans becomes a ridiculous guessing game you can only win by paying full-price for plane tickets. and i won't even start on the parking.

without unfurling the scroll on the rest of my complaints, i'll say that i've learned an immense amount during my time here. about the job, the industry, people and mostly myself. i can withstand some really tough situations and still come out standing, even if i'm walking with a limp. and i have met some phenomenal people here. it's unfortunate that in my discretion about describing work, i haven't been able to share too much about them. this job is not for the unintelligent, high-strung, lazy or faint-hearted. i've been very lucky to have been in their company.

we're all going out for a night of karaoke after my last shift because i'm intrigued by it and have never had the experience. and a few of them have promised to sing so it won't be people just standing around bullying everyone else to take the mic, but hopefully a very good time (which is another reason i'm putting this post up tonight and not early friday morning).

near the beginning of my time here, i was joking around with one of my coworkers about the boredom that is the dungeon. later that night, in desperation, i wrote a haiku on a piece of paper and put it in an unused drawer:

oh man am i lame
just sitting here all alone
contemplating death

as of today, there are three sheets of paper in the drawer, with 48 haiku scrawled on them by the poor souls who have done their time. here are some of my favorites:

Trapped in the dungeon
there's no hope for my future
Damn, i missed my bus

oh cursed first-offs
How I hate your evil ways
wake me for city

Say, it's a thin line
Between love and hate when it's
5 in the morning

(12:48 a.m.)
crap, crap, crap, crap, crap,
crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap,
crap, crap, crap, crap, crap,

I can't stand this shift
I went to college for this?
I want a refund!

A cold Mug root beer,
Flaming Hot Cheetos on desk.
I should be in bed.

no windows in here
can't even see the fireworks
watch the clock instead

If this room could talk,
What do you think it would say?
"I pity the fool!"

When 1:27 seems
early, you know you
have lost touch

a fridge full of beer
would make the time go faster
longing for Fat Tire

there are SNAKES! in this
mother-f*cking lonely place.
help me, Sam Jackson

"boss" should read haikus
then he would know what it's like
would he sympathize?

though counting the days,
a sickening twist of fate:
i might miss this place.

as for me, i don't know where i'm headed. but i cut a fat check this morning because i do know that the mortgage company gives breaks to no one. never fear, however, i'll continue posting. this blog would have never happened if it weren't for the dungeon. and i wouldn't have discovered all of you. for that i will be eternally grateful. well, that and the fact that if all goes well tonight, i'll have successfully eluded psycho blue-eye.

so long, dungeon.

melts in your mouth AND your hand

"did you hear they're making chocolate-covered Altoids?"

"eiw! really?"

"yeah, someone brought in some samples. they're dark chocolate-covered ginger, peppermint or cinnamon mints."

"oh my god, you weren't kidding."

"the peppermint isn't so bad; i didn't really like the ginger."

"i think i'll try a cinnamon one."

"they look like junior mints."

"junior mints are way better. these are gross."

"dude, they should have stuck with making gum."

sometimes it comes down to playing nice

awhile back i commented with some fervor about how my people had finally made it to reality tv. the specific individuals in question were vipul and arti of the amazing race as well as anchal from america's next top model.

vipul/arti got eliminated in the first episode. the one episode that i didn't catch. so i have nothing to say on that but that i'm disappointed in my peeps. better luck next time, though! hey, at least they got in some quality undisturbed time on sequester-island or wherever they keep people till it's over.

anyway, let's talk models.

i really was rooting for my homegirl anchal. she is beautiful in a traditional, not manufactured bollywood, way (read: snow white with light hair). and while some may have seen her as heavy, i thought hers looked most like a normal person's body.

but anchal's fatal flaw was her self-esteem. i backed the girl for a long time, but even i had to admit that, beauty aside, not believing in herself was killing her edge. granted, we've all been taunted growing up and she had to deal with haters among the competition. but whining that she couldn't do [insert task asked by judges here] was what did her in. people! it's a competition. we knew she had it in her when she laid the smack down on the bitchez of the house, but i wish she could put that energy toward proving herself to the judges. sadly, at the end of her run even i thought it time for her to go. however, she could still have a career in modeling, even if it's just running around among the trees in a sari for the india sari palace calendar. or she could go to medical school and collectively appease the worldwide auntie patrol.

the top model winner, caridee, was very likeable. she's quirky, insulted a judge and all that, but pretty and fun overall. the 2nd runner up, melrose, was the type of nasty ho who might slice somebody to ribbons in their sleep with an X-acto knife if it would ensure her victory. she was scary, man. and everyone hated her, including myself. but she did her homework and gave them everything she thought they wanted. throughout the competition, the judges praised her good work and rewarded her handsomely. however when it came down to it, they went with the loose cannon because she had more *natural* talent. i've gotta admit, guys, i felt just a little bit bad for melrose. yeah, she was snooty and snotty and kissed ass and rubbed everyone's imperfections in their faces, but girl worked her ass off doing exactly what was expected well, but still didn't win. so much for "if you bust your ass you can accomplish anything."

six that set me apart

RULES: Each player of this game starts with the "six weird things about you." People tagged must write a post of their own six weird things as well as state this rule clearly. They must then list six people to be tagged and notify them via comments on tag-ees' blogs. I was tagged by Lia and Syar.


1. As many of you know i have freckles on my tongue. family members have told me that with them comes the power to curse people. a doctor told me the fancy medical name for them and that they're harmless. i'm gonna go ahead and believe i have superhuman power, for which i should never be crossed.

2. i don't like when foods mix consistencies. the biggest offender? chunky peanut butter [shudder]. however, maybe i'm growing out of it, because i love bhelpuri, which mixes crunchy stuff with tomatoes and onions and potatoes and other good stuff. but i tend to give motherland food a pass. especially if i'm risking food poisoning by buying it from a street vendor. i think the danger is what tastes so damn good.

3. i usually like to play by the rules. i was always the annoying kid who made everyone wait while i read the rules on the inside of the box cover before we could start playing. i don't like cheaters, either.

4. when i was little i was terrified of cats. my parents used this to keep me in line, threatening me when i was behaving badly by saying "the mau is coming! you better get your shoes on right this minute! i think i hear the mau!" the same tactic was used to keep me from wriggling out of my carseat, but instead of the mau it was that the police would come if i didn't stay put. i still have a lingering mistrust of law authorities as well as cats. i take each on a case-by-case basis.

5. i was a copyeditor in a past life. as you can see by how i've edited the RULES above, i can't seem to turn it off and continually have to monitor myself when reading anything from billboards to a friend's wedding program. someone once told me "everyone needs a copyeditor" after snidely correcting an error i had made. i was miffed then but now i realize it's the truth, proven by every single one of my blog posts.

6. when i'm very tired and i'm falling asleep, i clack my jaws together like a nutcracker. i'm told it's not terribly loud.

my victims: ML, beeenz, highcontrast, ale, viking and becky. my apologies if you have already been tagged by someone else.

not a fan of Blogger Beta today

i have been reading your blogs, bloggerbeta people, but for the last two days i have been unable to comment. the error message i get is that my password is incorrect and continues to tell me so even after i went and changed it.

as i mentioned on omar's blog, i wasn't that kid in class with her hand always up (a la tracy flick in Election) but when i have something to say and i can't? that REALLY pisses me off.

so Blogger, i really hope you remedy this situation soon. because i was about to make the switch and now i'm having second thoughts.

if any of you out there can figure a way around this mess so i can add my 2 cents, don't hesitate to speak up. as far as i know, people should be able to still comment here. for now.

can always count on those lucky numbers

sunday i went with my parents to church for the first time in a very long while. it's an indian service held mostly in Hindi. for many years growing up, my parents insisted we attended the english-speaking church where we had catechism, but never missed a week at indian church so we could be around other people from the motherland. that's a pretty tall commitment, and believe me, i often thought it was a drag.

we don't have any family here; it's just my parents, my brother and myself. and when we were very young, that made for some lonely thanksgivings and christmases. i was always jealous of people who'd say they were going to their grandmother's house or if their cousins were in town. because my cousins live on the other side of the globe, the most i interacted with them were some mother-mandated aerogramme letters that followed the basic formula of "hi cousin. how are you? i am fine. my mom and dad are fine. hope your mom and dad are good, too. i like playing basketball. okay, gotta go. love cadiz." i'd recieve the same at best, and now that we're all old, we only hear about each other through our parents. most of them are younger than me and most of them are married, so we have even less in common today.

but over the years, the indian church sort of became an extended family i got to see every week. to begin with, everyone addresses their parents' friends as "uncle" or "auntie" regardless of blood relation. after the church part everyone hangs around and gossips in the hall over tea and salerno butter cookies. and of course there's the uncle who's always got candy for all the little kids and the old grandmother who pinches your cheeks. gathering with those people every week and dutifully greeting everybody with a handshake, a hug and a "good evening," became kind of nice. they had cake with us on our birthdays, congratulated us on our accomplishments, and most importantly they were always there at the hospital with tupperwares of food and thermoses of tea when my brother was admitted. just as my real family would have done if they could.

going back there felt nice. even getting ready (pulling out an outfit from the section of the closet that takes up the most space and finding the jewelry to match) sort of felt like coming home-- even though i've pretty much been home all this time. there were new people and weird people but the old regulars were there and it felt awkward. but all that melted away when the singing started.

all the dozers (i counted five, including the pastor's DAUGHTER in the first row who is 22 and should know better than to lean her head on her mom's shoulder. dude, at least not in the first row.) woke up to sing. good old numbers 39 and 24. proof that the best things never change. seriously, i've been to religious services of all colors and sizes, all over the world and the overwhelmingly unifying and awesome part is the feeling you get from the singing. i'll confess that it's what will keep me coming back always.

unfortunately, i mentioned this to my mother so now i will be performing on christmas.

ding!

you know that feeling you get at the end of school and there's about a week left and suddenly you find the energy between playing nintendo, watching Gummi Bears and riding bikes with your friends to do your homework before your mother yells at you for the third time? and how you just do it and think to yourself, "that wasn't so horrible. damn, if i had been doing that since the beginning of the year, i would have gotten much better grades. what's my problem, anyway?" ?

but you know what? your subconscious knows that you won't be having to do it anymore, so it gathers up what's left of your motivation and makes the remainder seem a lot more enjoyable than when it was such a chore.

it's like the last two years i've been incubating in the dungeon and waiting for my real life to start. and now that i'm properly cooked, i think i might be ready for it. unfortunately, everything is up in the air and i don't know where to begin.

all i know is that i'm going to have to think of something.

but i still stay up late

the last couple of days i've been working an earlier shift. i cannot begin to explain how functioning just an hour or two closer to everyone else's schedule has made me smile 4.5 times more than usual. it's amazing.

video speaks for itself.

people are probably sick of hearing about this UCLA taser thing. I heard about it in passing and wondered about it, but i don't think you really understand what it it's like to be tasered until you feel it yourself or at least see a video.

i won't go into all the details here, but i guess this guy didn't have his library card when approached in a random search and was asked to leave by university police. he was the only one asked and felt like he was being racially profiled, so he went limp. at this point he was tasered up to five times and repeatedly asked to stand up, even though loss of muscle control is one of the symptoms of recently being tasered. i watched the whole video, which was captured by someone's cellphone in the library, and it turned my stomach. sure, the guy yelled at the police, but some have reported that it was because they grabbed his arm and would not let go as he was trying to leave. sure people pooh-pooh this and say oh what are those liberals squawking about now or he mouthed off to police he had it coming, but bottom line, NOBODY deserves to be treated that way, let alone in an institution they've earned and bought the privilege to attend.

the guy is Iranian-American. and as someone who's been racially profiled myself, i know that it happens and it happens every day. terrorists have ruined our lives in so many ways we don't take enough time to think about. the whole thing would have been avoided if the cops took 10 seconds to card some of the white people. even if it were just to pretend they weren't singling this guy out.

there has got to be a better way. this is pretty damn clear if you read the comments posted about the video.