Sunday, July 30, 2006

for sale: slightly used death traps (3 pair, size 37 european)*

this is a pretty long recap, so for those of you who want to cut to the chase, i offer a headline-only preface.


cadiz still has all her limbs, thanks for asking
friends are now married
maid of honor not assassinated for speech
undersides of feet likened to those of cane-beaten prisoners in bollywood films
H on plane back to cali


after the rehearsal dinner (for which i feel i was overdressed; what's the protocol for that anyhow? people were all over the spectrum) we ate food catered from the place r and c had their first date and where c proposed. afterward, ale, kaiya and i took care of a little last minute shopping, i caught a catnap on kaiya's couch and headed off to pick up H.

hotel for mr. california
the sketchy hotel was just that. the area seemed seedy at 1 a.m., but the place was booked solid and there were actually some non-drugdealer looking people in the lobby. so i was fine. the room was clean, but looked like it hadn't been redecorated since 1984, except the shower, which looked pretty new. it was only lacking a few items: shampoo/conditioner, the door to the freezer part of the minifridge, a towel bar or toilet paper holder and an alarm clock. the tv had knobs, but we didn't think to check if it was color. bottom line, even though i tossed and turned the whole time dreaming i got arrested for mistaken identity in a drug bust, there were no hookers in sight and we didn't get mugged at knifepoint. H drove me to r's house at 7 a.m.

the 'dos
for 7 a.m. on the day of her wedding, r was surprisingly calm. i think the only problem in the hair/makeup session was that r lost the back of her earring down the front of her dress and had to take it off and scour the floor for it. that and i was forced to wear crocs to get starbucks and had to balance 5 coffees and bagels while powerwalking because i didn't want anyone to capture this on film. as we left, everyone looked radiant, especially the bride. but it was 95-plus degrees, humid and beaded satin doesn't breathe well.

before the bubbles
at the ceremony, things went according to plan; there were indian traditions in the mix, too, and it was lovely. as much as i say i wouldn't want hoopla for my own big deal, there is something nice about doing the God part in a house of God. afterward, they were driven off in a rolls royce silver wraith that was actually silver. i had to try not to limp out of the church because, despite my dr. scholl's gel pad inserts, the shoes we chose to go with our dresses were instruments of slow and painful torture cleverly disguised as sexy spindlyheeled silver stunners that we couldn't complain about because we chose them ourselves.

storming the castle

H was kind enough to drive me (my driving foot was throbbing from standing through the ceremony) and two other hobbling bridesmaids all the way to the castle, where we saw peacocks and some type of ostrich/emu fowl parading the premises. the castle was beautiful (you will probably see pictures if you go to ale's in the next couple days). however, the air conditioning in the hall where they were having the reception was not working.

getting toasty

everything was great; the best man and i were trading jabs about preparedness for the speeches we were slated to give. i have to admit, i didn't really want to share what i was planning (which wasn't anything concrete because i hated everything i had come up with in the last few months) because i didn't want him to steal all my ideas and then hand the microphone to me so i could say, 'yeah, what he said. to r and c!' but we figured out the gist so we wouldn't overlap. he started to get nervous and i tried to convince myself of what i was saying to reassure him, too: that he'd be fine, they chose him for a reason, and just to look at them and say what comes to mind and all will be fine if he just enunciates and speaks into the mic.

when we were called, i took my champagne glass (thanks, becky) and joined bestman at the stage. he put his glass on the music stand in front of us and it started to roll off the edge as he started his speech. i caught it and held it while he told the guests about a basketball trading card (kendall gill, rookie sensation), over which he and c didn't speak for years and had it as a prop. it was a very nice touch. people laughed and the bride and groom were touched. so of course i knew the pressure was on.

before the wedding, i had written out a speech, then folded it up and written crib notes during the day as things came to me. but i didn't look at it because as i gripped the mic and the glass, i had no free hand. besides, as the video will later show, even though my mind was pretty calm, the glass-holding hand was shaking so violently that i had to hold it against my body to keep from spilling. thank God they don't fill those things more than halfway.

i looked around and just told the story as i would have done a blog post. how r and i met, things we did together growing up, how we encountered c, how i knew there was something brewing, how she said 'c is going to be my husband' after their very first date, and how they still look at each other the same way they did in the beginning. i wished them the best. the bride got teary, so i felt pretty good about it. i was so glad it was over, i got myself a drink.

after hours
the rest of the night was great. the happy couple sang a duet c wrote for the occasion, there were lots of pictures, hand-shaking, booty-shaking (the band was excellent). even our friend who is due in six days got up for "let's get it on" (her husband turned to me and said, 'yeah, we were listening to this song about nine months ago; i've gotta find her for this one.')

after all was said and done, we piled into cars and went to the hotel to crash. the only thing that was open was mcdonalds. as i rolled down the window and stared at the menu, the freaking sprinklers went on and splashed me in the face. now WHY mickey d's would need to water the tiny speakerbox island at 10 pm, and moreover, point one of the sprinklers right toward a customer's car window, i have no idea. but it reminded me of when i was at cc's beach wedding and there was a light shower right after the wedding and the minister said it was a blessing from above. i'm going to go ahead and take that as a thumbs up from the sprinkler gods for making it through the day. and i rewarded myself with a hot apple pie.

*seriously, if you need these for a wedding party, or any occasion for that matter, they're pretty. but only for walking down the aisle and pictures. if you want to try and dance in them, don't blame me when the balls of your feet swell to the size of golf balls.


omar said...

How could you possibly have been Gellin' in those shoes?!

Good choice on the hot apple pie.

On my wedding day, there was very bright sun, and it was in the upper 70's. I was STEAMING in that tux all day. I can't imagine wearing a tux in 95 degree weather.

(They did give me a spare shirt though, specifically for that reason. I thought it was unnecessary at first, then I realized why it was a great idea.)

Anonymous said...

No fights and no arrests. Sounds like a success...

Popeye said...

Sounds like a good time. . .

Ale said...

anonymous- haaaaaaaaaahahhaahhaaaaaaaaaa! trust me there is a reason i'm laughing...

cadiz- OMG! i totally wanted to wear those to work! ... HA! JUST kidding!!!!!! we should take em' to the forest throw in the air and use for target shooting!

cadiz12 said...

heck yeah, i was gellin'! i needed all the help i could get! but i don't know how the boys did it. at least we had strapless and tea-length dresses.

ale darling, then why did you all abandon your shoes in my car? i looked in the back seat area and thought they were breeding or something. terrifying. target practice, now there's a good use.

Modern Viking said...

I too was overdressed for my cousin's rehearsal dinner last month. There really should be some kind of protocol for that... But as long as you look good, it's no problem!

Ale said...

cadiz girl you were totally not overdressed- in fact what you wore was totally appropriate! thou i wish i had worn my bathingsuit to go splish splash in the pool that was RIGHTTHERE- was way toooooo hot

Syar said...

those shoes look nice but I can feel the pins and needles all the way over here.

sounds like a great wedding.

hand shaking while speaking publicly : I get that too, and its so embarassing cause you can't stop it. but hey, no bullet wounds is a pretty good way to measure speech success. good job!

Guyana-Gyal said...

It sounds so perfect. Did you leave out anything? The hitches? Fights? Did you kick off those woman-hatin' shoes and dance barefoot?

cadiz12 said...

i managed to keep them on as long as possible, but when the bride and groom were finally able to join us, heck yeah, those suckers were tossed aside.

there were some tense moments, but it all worked out for the best. i'm happy it's over and the mission accomplished. :)

Becky said...

thanks for the shout out, babe.

you're tops.

Lia said...

those shoes - no way!

good job on the speech, though. if she's still willing to talk to you, everything's good. no one else will remember what you said.

Becky said...

wait. it took me a day to register the fact that you were DISSING CROCS in the same post where you had to wear those heels.

chu crazy, lady.

cadiz12 said...

i was hoping you'd miss that becky. i'll have to up my game next time. :)