what's the opposite of The Decider?

most people feel bound by guidelines, but i'm good at working within constraints. especially when cool higherups set the rules and say "go!" it worked for me in school Odyssey of the Mind competitions, which required inventing a device to accomplish a list of ridiculous things such as dropping an egg 10 feet without breaking it, putting out a candle flame, popping a balloon from 20 feet away, powering it with a brick, etc. why? because a) i'm very competitive b) i love a challenge and c) my creativity gets kickstarted by a) and b). also, the trickier the parameters the better my performance, and if there's a tight deadline, even better. it's insane, but it's how i roll.

for example, a couple of years ago cc asked me to be the maid of honor in her wedding. it was going to be a very intimate tropical affair and i would be the sole female attendant. normal people would be overjoyed: essentially, cc was awesome and said i could wear whatever the hell i wanted, in any color. perfect! however, i proceeded to freak out in every way, dragged the bride all over town for months trying on dresses and finally ended up sewing my own frock-- finishing the hem ten minutes before the ceremony while sitting in the beauty parlor with pins in my mouth and a needle in my hand as cc was having her hair done. it worked out all right, but the tranquil environment is probably the only thing that offset the ulcer growing in the pit of my stomach.

i know, i'm a freak. but this tendency poses a serious problem when it comes to sky's-the-limit situations. like right now, as i'm facing my ultimate personal nightmare: the opportunity to go pretty much anywhere.

it's been a little more than a month since i left the dungeon. now i'm half living downtown and half in suburbia, watching my savings slide down the drain called COBRA health insurance, but i'm looking into a private policy. i'm working part-time in a sector of my field that i might pursue; maybe having it on there will keep employers from throwing out my resume for lack of specific experience, but i don't often hear back from them. in the meantime, my boyfriend says he'd consider moving to wherever i find a job, my parents are being very supportive and my friends are sharing contact information.

anybody else would see this as an opportunity of a lifetime, but i'm chained to a fear that i'll get trapped in limbo and make a hasty decision to get out that will lead to decades of strife and misery. this sickness of uncertainty would probably dissolve if i sucked it up and made up my mind about what i wanted. but i'd rather crawl under the covers and not think about having to decide.