Tuesday, September 25, 2012

whatever you do, don't puke on her shoes

"So I know we got the t-shirts with his face on them; what are you going to wear underneath?"

"Um, the usual, Mom. Maybe a long-sleeve t-shirt because it's going to be cold."

"No I mean pants. should I wear dress pants?"

"You know this party is in a bar, right? I'm going to wear jeans."

"What kind of shoes?"

"I'm wearing gym shoes, but you can wear sandals--I know your feet get hot sometimes."

"No way! I don't want to get vomit on my feet!"

"What?"

"That's what happens in bars! People drink too much and then they throw up on your shoes."

"Have you ever been to a bar, ma?"

"Of course I have! Remember that one time my friend's son was getting married and she dragged me to her daughter-in-law's Bachelorette party? That was in a bar!"

"Did someone puke on you?"

"No, but she threw up NEAR me. And it splashed!"

"Oh my God Mom, no one is going to throw up on you at my brother's birthday party."

"I probably used up all the paper towels in that bathroom cleaning my feet off--oh my goodness it smelled so bad, too!"

"MOM. I can almost guarantee that no one will throw up anywhere near you at his party. I promise if it looks like it might happen, I will stand in front of you and take the splash."

"Oh and the one who threw up was a grownup lady! You know she was like 50 years old? What disgusting behavior. This is why I don't approve of drinking."

"Nobody is going to make you drink, mother."

"And people weren't looking where they were walking, Cadiz, they were STEPPING in it! It was yuck."

"Ok, then you'd better wear your gym shoes, then."

"I don't care if my feet are hot. I have to protect myself."


6 comments:

Ale said...

hmmm... I'll keep that in mind for when you come over to party in a'dam!
hope your bro had a happy bday! I cant believe our little brothers (mine included) are grown up MEN!?! wtf

Shalini said...

I'm glad her feet were protected! And happy birthday to your brother!

omar said...

That's my impression of what happens in bars, also.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Don't tell her otherwise because you know what Murphy is like. You persuade her not to protect her feet and Murphy will be there, throwing up. On your mother's feet!

cadiz12 said...

Ale: oh honey, when i can finally make it out to see you, you know the party will be ON. i'm probably not going to be bringing my mom, so i plan on drinking lots of wine and catching up!

shalini: thanks! not too many people even got drunk, let alone vomit.

omar: it seems to be a more popular opinion than i had imagined!

gg: you are so right--if she had worn sandals, i'm sure something bad would have happened.

{debbie} said...

that is too funny!!! your posts are always entertaining!! {i'm catching up on reading your blog!}