the trouble with cadiz

it's been about three weeks since i finished up with dungeon duty, and i still can't peel myself out of bed at a decent hour. upon closer inspection, there are several contributing factors:

a) i have NEVER been able to get out of bed unless i was on the verge of being late for something.

b) i am able to awaken at the agreed-upon hour, only to convince myself in a half-asleep state that i no longer need to get out of bed then, can spare a few more minutes "resting my eyes" or that i was certifiably insane when the hour was agreed upon.

c) i am able to sleep for periods in excess of 10 hours or more at a time (mostly to make up for the times i have only slept four hours or fewer).

d) breaking a two-year nocturnal habit is a feat in itself.

e) i am easily distracted.

f) especially by the television

g) and the Internet

h) and the telephone

i) during my dungeon tenure i became highly accustomed to my independence:

1) sole control of the television with the dvr
2) only using the telephone when it was convenient for me
3) using the Internet whenever i damn well pleased (dialup)
4) not getting sucked into prime-time indian soap operas, which have the power to erase entire blocks of time from one's memory while moving the plot forward only an inch.
5) getting out of helping with the heavy-lifting cooking/cleaning

now this last reason and its facets are precisely why i hated working those hours. but i got used to them. i love my family and friends more than anything and wished i could spend more time with them. but i'll be honest: working in the dungeon changed me. i covet my alone time now. even if it's just to watch seven episodes of neat or mission: organization in a row and vicariously clean up my own life through those on television without actually doing anything in my own home but get an idea of how i'd want to do it should the opportunity present itself.

as one of the professional organizers says, "clutter is just a big pile of put-off decisions." and i think this all boils down to fear. right now, i'm working a few hours a week and the rest of my time is devoted to finding something better. but i'm terrified of either taking the first thing that comes along and finding out it's another type of dungeon or passing on something that could have been great. risk-taking is not my strong suit, because i tend to dwell on the mistakes. so i'm paralyzed and i'd rather be asleep than have to think about it.

i have been on vacation since my last day of dungeon. H came out for awhile and i'll be going to california tomorrow. but come monday, i'll hit this thing hardcore and turn my life right-side-up again.

if i can get out of bed, that is.