NaBloPoMo: it's been a long time

When you have kids, time seems like a handful of water you're trying to keep. There is so much that happens throughout the day that you wish you could record, preserve, save to cherish later. But it floats away, and the efforts you make to try to hang on to it often get in the way of enjoying it.

I've said this so many times here before, but I love this blog. I miss it terribly--mostly the community we had in 2005, where I'd spend the day thinking of something to post, then eagerly look forward to what people would say about it. Then go around and see what they'd had to say on theirs. I was mostly in love with my husband long before I had even shared a meal with him, all because of this. Unfortunately, like everything else, the supportive, amazing community couldn't last. So much other stuff took up time and it withered away into an antiquated fad. I came out a winner, as I got the husband, and now a beautiful family. But the nostalgic in me wishes she could come back here once in awhile, write something silly and connect with people as we once did.

Thinking about it, the comments were just a part of the appeal. Writing every day, looking around my life to try and find something worth remembering, taking stock of the world and documenting what was happening in real time, those are treasures you can't re-create. I've settled many a bet about when/how things happened by pulling up an old post. The daily gems about having to park downtown or how my biggest struggle was whether I'd get the next Netflix DVD in the mail on time? Looking back, that all seems laughably quaint when we're responsible for keeping two other people alive these days.

Jon turned 40 yesterday. He's reflecting on his life, contemplating what will happen afterward and wondering what it all means. And as I'm generally thinking a few years in the future half the time, I have been doing the same, for a while now. Burying a child tends to shake things into focus, a sharp view of all that isn't actually necessary; it's one that many people get through life not experiencing. Or maybe they do realize it, only when it's too late to change. I think I have my priorities straight, but it's so very hard to give everything worthwhile the time it deserves.

I'm not sure what I'm getting at. I'm rusty. I no longer have the hours I've spent on posts in the past. These muscles are stiff from disuse. But I've gotten up. I'm stretching them. Maybe I can run again.