Saturday, April 09, 2005

i am pissed

blogger blows.

last night i wrote a touching tribute to the dungeon, from which i have earned a long-awaited furlough. believe me, it was poetic. (or as poetic as i can be about the place.) and blogger fucking dumped me while it was publishing. bastards.

and i would go full-out gangsta about how annoyed i am, both by that as well as the fact that i'm on a girls weekend with 20 people i haven't seen in a long time and it is being destroyed because i am now nocturnal. BECAUSE of the dungeon, may i add. further, it's 3 a.m. and it has taken me 20 min to write this because i'm failing at being noiseless (i don't want these people sleeping 2.5 feet away from me to smother me with a pillow tomorrow morning when i finally fall asleep.) it's the gd spacebar that makes the most ruckus. but i am bored as hell and not sleepy.

believe me, if i had full clacking capabilities, you'd get a better whiff of my angst.

fucking dungeon. torments me even on my days off.

13 comments:

Ale said...

need to know everything.... who are these girls... i think i may know.. and i wonder where you guys are. besos

Jon said...

A word of advice from a guy who thinks that boy scouts are not nearly as prepared as they claim… I fear losing brilliantly written prose like you wouldn’t believe, and though there is a large group of people (some of whom are even well educated doctors, and a few of whom are schizophrenic winos, so it all evens out) that think my fears are unfounded because, in 27 years of existence, I have yet to produce anything “brilliant.” I feel like years 0-3 were some of my most prolific though… anyway… I type most of my stuff in word on my computer, and when I’m satisfied with it, I just do a copy-paste into the blogger… that way, should they have the audacity to have the network vomit in the midst of publishing, there’s no worries, just paste again and ram it down their throats… it also doesn’t hurt to shake a fist at the screen and say things like “You will post my brilliance!!! You Will!!!” or, “You think you can defeat me this easily? Baby, I got all day to paste, you are so going to post this whether you like it or not!!! Just give up now and post it already, I’m better than you and you know it!!” and of course, the old standby…”F%$ you you F&*&ing F*$%!! You better F*&#ing post my S$*& before I F*&%ing beat the F*&$ S*$& out of you!!”

And as for the sleepy heads that can’t handle the typing of the keyboard… just do yourself a favor and buy a tranquilizer gun now… it is a worthwhile investment. It’s one of those win-win situations…

Them: ”Um could you like, keep it down or something? The typing is like really bothering me, and I’m like totally trying to get some sleep over here…” (I don’t know why, but I decided they were valley girls)

You: “Oh really? I’m so sorry (reach for the gun, but maintain eye contact, you don’t want to be rude) I really had no idea. (aim) I do apologize. (gently squeeze the trigger giving them their precious sleep, and you the piece of mind knowing that nothing is going to wake them for at least the next 18-26 hours. Proceed to type away to your hearts content)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand done.

Ale said...

aaahahaaa, jon thats fuuuunny! I must however disagree with your "paste a post" philosophy. Yes its VERY practical and all, but takes away from the spontenuity of things... you know like this is what i've been thinking at that moment and that's why its here now. Don't you think its a betrayal of some sort to pre write your posts??? hmmm......

Jon said...

No, I don’t consider it a betrayal at all, because for me, the spontaneity is still there. I type away just as if I was typing on the website, only, should the website take a dump on me at an inopportune time, I haven’t really lost anything. I don’t spend hours upon hours typing and editing my posts, I just know that I would get really upset if I lost something that I was really happy with. The cut and past takes all of 3 seconds, and it’s an additional step, but it’s a precautionary step I’m willing to take so that I don’t throw my computer off the balcony when I lose something to a faulty website. My process goes like this, type fast and furious in word until I am satisfied, highlight the whole thing, ctrl + c, click on post box in blogger, ctrl + v, click publish. I suppose to an absolute purist, that might seem like a betrayal, but to me, it sure doesn’t “feel” like a betrayal.

cadiz12 said...

Jon, you're right. i tried the &*%$# method, and the site just tauntingly kept flashing 'you are not authorized to view this page' at me over and over. hmph. so i'm going to go with the copy/paste method. it's funny you suggest that, because periodically, i save it as a draft and that's what i was doing when blogger decided to take a vacay. double hmph.

and where might one acquire such a tranq. gun? sounds like it'd be handy in several situations... then i can practice my ice-cold jennifer garner stare while i pump people full of drugs. i really have to work on the lip part, though. and i don't think i can pull off a blue wig as well as she does; it wouldn't really compliment my eyes.

as for the weekend, i ended up not going to bed at all (paranoia of smothering works wonders), so all was good. i know you were worried, ale.

Jon said...

I think the internet garage sale that is ebay should suffice for all you tranq gun needs.

I’m not really sure how many people CAN pull off the blue wig… god knows I’ve tried and failed. And I think once you’ve knocked out a few dozen people, that icy Garner stare will naturally make its way into your repertoire. I’m currently working on my Victor Garber “physically incapable of showing emotion” stare. Nothing in my television/film viewing has been weirder for me than seeing him smile in the TV version of “The Music Man.” I was shell-shocked for about three days…

cadiz12 said...

omg i thought i was the only one who was creeped out by his smile in the music man. (a massacre on one of my favorite cheeseball musicals. and where the heck did they get the woman who played marian the librarian?) even in sleepless in seattle vg had a deadpan role. don't they know not to mess with a good thing?

Jon said...

Did you just ask me if Hollywood knows not to mess with a good thing? I’ll give you 19 chances to take that back…

cadiz12 said...

good point. did you hear john travolta and kirstie alley are joining forces to bring us 'hey,wait! guess who's talking, THIS time?'

Jon said...

I heard it was a 3 picture deal… first “Hey, wait! Guess who’s talking, THIS time?” followed by “No seriously, you’re never f*&^ing going to believe who’s talking now!” and completing the deal with “This is the most retarded movie ever… But check out who’s talking in it, and we aren’t talking about the adults!” Now, supposedly, they’ve resigned Bruce Willis to do the first and second, and Owen Wilson will be joining Bruce for the second, but the third is going to have the star power of all 19 Wayans family members, Queen Latifah, Bette Midler, Jimmy Fallon and Jason Lee. I was skeptical at first, but I’ve always been a fan of Jason Lee…I’m ignoring his work in “A Guy Thing.” I like to think that one was all about the paycheck…

cadiz12 said...

maybe i don't know better, but i was hoping to see jason lee as the main character for once (i don't think 'almost famous' counts).

queen latifah is a triplethreat badass. just for her, i might actually spend about 2.5 seconds thinking about seeing 'This is the most retarded movie ever... But check out who’s talking in it, and we aren’t talking about the adults!'

but only at the dollar show.

cool cat said...

just for the record:
we were not valley girls ;) but more importantly, i dont think we noticed the allegedly clacking...
it was just great you were there.

much love to my companion...you know what i mean.

cadiz12 said...

love to you, cool cat.