Wednesday, April 20, 2005

now it's just too damn late

i grew up without cable.

and as anyone who has conversed with me for more than 2.5 minutes can attest, i'm a little bitter about it.

when i was a kid, we lived in a cute little house with a ginormous backyard. my parents didn't know what was cool, (for god's sake, my father's favorite song was 'lady' by kenny rogers) So they never ventured beyond the basics. bunny-ear tv had plenty of he-man, mcneil lehrer, family ties and i love lucy to keep everyone happy.

one summer the neighbors behind us -- separated by what i can only describe as glorified chickenwire to keep their bushes from attacking our property -- decided they were going to get a cable box. when everyone was away at school or work or the grocery store, the cable company nestled their line in a trench, approximately 12 inches deep and 8 inches wide, that ran down the middle, and the entire length, of our yard.

that was 1984.

and boy, does my father know how to hold a grudge. so i was made to suffer through my entire adolescence without mtv. it didn't matter that the snotty girls at daycare spent the hours every day after school reenacting madonna's 'true blue' video. (i probably didn't hear the actual song until 1991, but i had no problem singing along.) i wasn't familiar with the choreography, so i found myself in the corner reading the only book that wasn't for ages 3 and under: the dictionary.

i smiled and nodded through lunchtable conversation about 'the real world' and even managed to throw in a line here and there about how crazy puck is without seeing a single episode. nobody cared about the looks of disbelief and disdain i had to bear when i had to hear the inevitable, 'oh my GOD, you DON'T HAVE CABLE!??!!?!??!'

it was bad. i was glued to tv at friends' houses. and it didn't matter what was on -- one time i even watched golf, just to partake in the fobidden fruit. but i never realized just how much of a the deficiency i had until i graduated high school. some kids with overprotective parents get to college and start boozing and whoring around. i sat in the dorm room and watched the mtv music awards about five times in succession. by round four i could quote the presenters. i even skipped class a few times when i was caught up in 'singled out' and i've spent more than one weekend watching the entirety of a realworld season in one sitting.

i think i overdosed. because today, i still don't have cable. it's even gotten to the point where i don't want it anymore. all those stupid shows seem lame, and the movies and really good shows are never on when it's convenient for me to catch them. besides, what the heck would i have to bitch about then? i have pbs, telemundo and netflix. what more does a girl need?

tivo.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Cadiz...don't feel too bad...i was just the opposite of you...i had cable at a very young age...too young of an age...and believe me it only led to bad things...i mean cable is the reason why i learned to masterbate in the 4th grade...too many provocative things led me to discover a whole new side of myself and a whole new side to life. :)

Anonymous said...

Cadiz...don't feel too bad...i was just the opposite of you...i had cable at a very young age...too young of an age...and believe me it only led to bad things...i mean cable is the reason why i learned to masterbate in the 4th grade...too many provocative things led me to discover a whole new side of myself and a whole new side to life. :)

Anonymous said...

i feel your pain as well i grew up without cable and learned about the finer things in life ...yea right i didnt learn shit... all i learned was that i had no life and that meant that i couldnt really know what was going on when friends would talk about things that only seemed like a myth to me so i feel your pain and one day you wont put your kids through the same anguish!

Ale said...

i STILL don't have cable. I would love to have Italian TV thogh.

Jon said...

Yes, everyone needs Tivo. Tivo for everyone, that is my mantra. It’s not the greatest invention since sliced bread, it is the greatest invention period. You are right, there is a plethora of crap out there these days, but there is some great stuff too. Some things so great that the masses cannot appreciate it (Arrested Development, a show constantly on the verge of cancellation for no good reason at all.).

As for my upbringing, my father always said, TV rots your brain, therefore we did not have it in my house until after I graduated High School and had a sweet gig delivering pizza. I was able to pay for it myself, so I informed my parents that I was now of legal age and would be purchasing a satellite dish… (I went with Primestar for anyone that remembers, they were later bought out by DirecTV, but the dude hooked me up, I got the east and west coast feeds of all network channels, which meant I could watch Letterman at 8:30 pm… ridiculous…) so I understand the life before the life. Oh, and by the way, my dad still says TV rots your brain, and no one watches more useless TV than him. My favorite example of his useless TV watching is when he watches Book TV on CSPAN2 (it’s where really old people get up at a podium and talk about their recently published book on the significance of cotton fabrics used by non military personnel during the hours of 3pm and 4pm in the third week of October in 1939 during WWII in the neutral country of Switzerland… yeah, super interesting stuff… oh, and he also watches this on mute…there are no closed captions available for this show…I REALLY REALLY REALLY WISH I WAS MAKING THIS UP!!! BUT I AM NOT!!!)

cadiz12 said...

oh jon, now i know why you're so wacky. i mean that as a compliment.

and anonymous, my goodness. i
don't think i heard a swear word before i was in fourth grade. granted, i've always been rather naive and overprotected, so you can't go by what i say.

anon2, i was all set to get cable for the kiddies (should there ever be any) until i got anon1's warning. you guys should really get a username. i can't keep you straight.

oh i'm DEFINITELY gonna have tivo...one of these days.

'ka said...

i don't have cable either, but i don't feel like i'm missing anything... way too many reality shows now. none of 'em are making any sense :D

Anonymous said...

I too grew up without cable. We had money but Dad insisted we never spend it. He still goes to the grocery store on triple cupon day gets the Senior discount and buys 10 boxes of generic mac n cheese for $1. I'm always like, Dad you have loads of money. He always says, did you ever wonder why? Today, I don't have money. I spend it on cable and the expesive velveeta mac n cheese!