don't mess with this dress

a while back, i got a call from the nice ex-boyfriend at 4 a.m. on a saturday night. i don't hear from him very often; we broke up a little after college and didn't talk for a few years. now it's mostly just birthday wishes, career updates and the occasional relationship advice. i was surprised to hear from him, but it was a welcome call because i had just gotten home from work and was already bored with the informercials that night. it seems nice-x went out west to meet up with one of his old roommates from college -- a rocket scientist who is trapped in the desert for his work on space stuff -- and they were drunkenly reminiscing about the good old days. i could hear the rocket scientist yelling, 'HIYYYYYYY CAAAADIZ!' and randomly adding his two-cents in the background.

the memory that made them think of me was of a time a bunch of us took a van down to florida for spring break. we stopped at a few places along the way, but the main destination was Daytona Beach. aside from its racecar fame, Daytona had been known for some crazy spring break activities back in the day. but by the time we made it down there, i think most of the u.s. collegiate debauchery had made its way to Cancun or other places. regardless, the nightlife was still catering to students, as evidenced by minivan cabs that would allow 21 people to crowd in at once (you think i'm kidding, but i counted) and all-you-can-drink for $20 specials.

our group consisted of nice-x, me, rocket scientist, his girlfriend and a few single friends of the boys. i guess hanging with couples made the singles want to do a little woman hunting. i have no problem with clubs, but these guys kept choosing ones with really crappy music and no dancing (perhaps factors in why they weren't finding any decent women). needless to say, rocket science gf and i were bored. so we drank. a lot.

alcohol tends to make me emotional. it's just that you never know which emotion is going to come out. that night i was a little annoyed that we were forced to hang out in a place that was offering a wet T-shirt contest (they claimed they didn't know before we had all paid cover), so i tried to hide my sulking with jack & coke. i had a nice buzz. and it was fantastic weather, so i was wearing a little dress, but by no means was i looking like a streetwalker. as we were walking out of the club and down the sidewalk, we passed a group of big, burly guys spilling out from some beer garden place who were blocking the path.

'excuse me.'

'mmmh! excuse me, girl.'

i wasn't feeling the way he held his beer out to the side, stepped back and looked me up and down with a red-riding-hood's-wolf stare. as i passed, i stopped, turned on my heel, put my hand on my hip, narrowed my eyes and shot him a nasty look.

'WHAT did you say to me? uh uh, no you DID-N'T.'

from there the rest is a little fuzzy, but i'm told i just went off on this guy, telling him that if he wanted to cause trouble he could just bring it, because you know what, i could take him AND all his friends. i do remember looking back at nice-x -- who was about fifteen feet behind me -- to see sheer terror on his face. i guess i had picked a fight with a good portion of the defensive line of the Purdue football team, and as athletic as nice-x is, one long-distance track star cannot possibly take on that kind of brawn. especially when his lady was running her mouth as much as i was. i guess nice-x talked me out of my oh-yes-i-CAN-kick-your-ass-let's-go plan and got me out of there. honestly, those guys were probably more amused by me than anything else, but it was almost worth it to see nice-x so freaked out. to this day he talks about that day as though he had narrowly escaped some kind of horrible accident.

'remember that time in daytona when you went all attitude and almost got me beaten to a bloody pulp by the Purdue football team?'

'uh, attitude?'

'you know, you were moving your head from side to side on your neck and shaking your finger at that guy.'

'YEAH, AND YOU WERE SNAPPING, TOO!'

'oh, like rosie perez?'

'yeah, that's it. dude, those guys coulda killed me.'

'THAT WAS SCARY!'

'whatever. you know i could have taken them. who said anything about needing you?'

'you know, you're lucky i got you away from them. that was trouble.'

'YEAH!'



thank you, nice-x, for rescuing me that night. and for being an all-around good guy. you're going to make some girl really happy one day. happy birthday.