Tuesday, November 03, 2009

and when they say "E.D.," they're talking about the Emergency Room (Department), not that other thing

Last month I started a new career at the hospital. In that time I have learned:

1) The fastest way to lose fat and gain muscle is to run around for eight hours a day, pushing 350-pound patients on beds.

2) People who are asked to wear masks to protect other people in the waiting area from what might be a highly contagious flu believe they are suddenly not contagious as soon as they enter the department where their test will be conducted and remove their masks.

3) The public cannot seem to grasp the concept of covering their hacking mouths with the crook of their elbows.

4) Parents do not realize that paying a babysitter to watch your healthy child/infant for an afternoon while you get an outpatient test done is WAY CHEAPER than the medical care your healthy child/infant will need after catching something from an ignorant person coughing all over your child/infant.

5) There is NEVER enough hand sanitizer.

6) Or soap and hot water.

7) Hospital employees GET THE FLU, TOO. And double the patients with half the staff makes for a little longer wait. Bring a crossword puzzle and be a little considerate.

8) The more unhealthy the cafeteria item, the faster it will sell out to the employees.

9) There's way less hanky-panky (from what I've seen, anyway) in the hospital than they show on one-hour television medical shows, but nearly as much drama as on the tube.

10) Wearing scrubs every day saves about 20 minutes of standing in front of the closet in a daze in the morning.


Syar said...

I kind of wish I were required to wear scrubs every day. More and more I think a daily uniform is the way to go for me.

Madelyn said...

Daily uniforms are the best! I have one, unfortunately though, its not scrubs.

I'm disappointed that there isn;t as much hanky-panky as they elude to on hospital dramas. I was so sure that was all real. Are there at least doctors who look like Patrick Dempsey and George Clooney?

SupaCoo said...

I really hope you're spared the germs this flu season!

Noelle said...

I really hope I don't get the flu from being in the hospital for a day. Or anything else, for that matter.

Jon said...

So wait, Television portrayals of real life are inaccurate?!!?

by the way, "lists" is my verification word.

cadiz12 said...

if you have to go to a hospital, do not touch your eyes, nose or mouth after opening handled doors and use plenty of hand sanitizer. also, try to isolate yourselves to a corner of the waiting room. oh and watch out for the kiddies, cute as they are, they're little petri dishes running around.

i got both flu shots, even though i'm pretty sure i've been exposed to H1N1 about eleventeen thousand times already.

cadiz12 said...

oh and jon, sorry to rain on your Grey's Anatomy/ER/HawthoRNe parade.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Ha, wait until you know the staff better, you're going to discover a lot of juicy stuff. People are people no matter where they work. Heh :-D