Monday, August 29, 2005

don't make me have to smack you

'ohmygod you won't believe what just happened! that guy over there just slapped my ass!'

'WHAT? who!? where is he? you just show me which one. the one in the stripedy shirt? uh-uh, because he's not going to get away with that shit without hearing a thing or two.'

'excuse me, did you just happen to slap my friend over here on the ass?'

'um, yeah. but i apologized RIGHT afterward!'

'you're lucky mister! that i've been drinking! or else i'd really have to f you up! yeah! you heard me!'

'hang on, honey, let me just talk to him. where the hell did you get the idea to do that?'

'well, she was shaking it... and it was just so... tempting. so i thought i'd give it a little smack. i thought she'd like it! really!'

'where the hell do you get off!? what, do you think you can walk around and put your hands on any person within ten feet of you? who the hell do you think you are!?'

'i didn't know she'd get mad! i said i apologized right after!'

'let me tell you something, guy. NO girl likes being touched by a strange man, especially in that manner! what a crock of crap, 'i thought she'd like it.' you know, you give [shared ethnicity] a bad name! keep your damn hands to yourself!'


'yeah, that's right, you take your grabby friend and get him out of here! AND MAYBE TEACH HIM A FEW MANNERS WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!'

'did you tell him? i wasn't even dancing by him! i was dancing over there! i can't believe he did that! you know, i could really have f-ed him up. i would have, too.'

'i know sweetie. but it was pretty funny how you were all up in his face yelling. it was kind of cute, actually.'

'what!? i wasn't trying to be cute! i was trying to be menacing! menacing, i tell you!'

'don't worry; i think i saw fear in his eyes.'

'damn right.'


Syar said...

please tell me this really happened. I was imagining it, and it put a smile on my face.

'what!? i wasn't trying to be cute! i was trying to be menacing! menacing, i tell you!'

what elmo would say if he joined hell's angels.

'well, she was shaking it... and it was just so... tempting. so i thought i'd give it a little smack. i thought she'd like it! really!'

while I read this, a little slow mo across-the-dance-floor montage played in my head to the tune of "Ass Like That" by Eminem.

SO MANY good lines! *sigh* what good blogging is made of.

jazz said...

you go girl!

i hate to say it, but it sounded cute even as you recreated it. sorry!

does inane asylum andy still stop by around here? i haven't seen him at mine in AGES

MEP said...

I'm with Jazz, it sounded cute . . . and it sounded exactly like something that I would do. The yelling at the guy, not the ass-grabbing - just to clarify.

Ale said...

yes totally sounded cute! (now do you understand my dislike for the word!)

hey- what's up with ur bro and the stormy seas?

cool cat said...

oooooh too funny!!!!!
i had a blast but totally missed this whole encounter.
but yeah, whaddayamean "i thought she'd like it"... honestly...some men...tsk, tsk.

Lou (a.k.a. rainpuddles) said...

I need a friend like you when I go to the bar.

DCveR said...

Well, the guy did say he was sorry.
I mean you are making a bif fuss out of nothing.
Had it been Good Half he had smacked and I would simply punch his face and say "sorry" with a big smile. I guess that would make us even. Sorry really is the keyword here, wouldn't you say?

Guyana-Gyal said...

Yeah, he said 'Sorry'.

But did he mean it? Ha. Did he MEAN it? Noooo, not after he had his bit of fun.

Good piece of writing there, Cadiz.

DCveR said...

Hey GG, and do YOU think I'd be sorry, smile and all?!?! ;)

omar said...

Wait, girls don't like that?

Andy said...

I think that "Sorry" translates as "I'm sorry that she didn't actually like it, despite the fact that I think far too much of myself, and I thought she would be thankful of such an arse slapping..."


Fresh? said...

I agree with omar - that's a compliment from us.

Jen said...

how do we know cadiz wasn't the one shaking it and got the smack?

cadiz12 said...

believe me, peeps, i couldn't make this up.

andy got a new job; that probably takes up some time.

my bro is okay. his gf's grandma's house in biloxi was totaled, though. they drove to florida for a couple of days but are back in mobile. they have power, but school is canceled till tuesday. my heart goes out to all of the people suffering in the south. i hope it gets a lot better really soon.

i have always wanted to punch someone and you guys are right, this would have been the perfect opportunity. i could just have said, 'oops, i thought you wanted me to knock out your front teeth! my bad.'

i guess you'll never know, jen...