Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Living with a boy: Yay or Nay?

Today's guest post is by pp, my college roommate. I can't begin to describe all the stuff pp and I have been through together. She was certainly a big influence on my formative years in Champaign, and I'm so thankful to have been randomly assigned to live with her, even though she hates holiday music. She's the only one I know who knows random things like when Kirk Cameron's birthday is, and she always gives great fashion advice.

I was around when she met her boyfriend, whom she occasionally refers to as "the male version of Cadiz." MB and I have a lot of the same habits, including procrastination. I don't know how the heck she puts up with either one of us.

You all may not be aware but MB & I have been together for nine years now. As he likes to say, he was barely legal when we met. We live by our own relationship “rules” and we’re happy. My friends and loved ones know not to be pushy with the whole marriage thing, but I must say they are getting antsy. They are wondering when we'll take that other next step: living together. MB has tried, but I’ve nixed the idea on more than one occasion. The way I see it, I don’t want to live with a dirty boy until I have to (i.e. when we’re married). Even then I have contemplated starting a new trend where he has his place across the street from mine, a la Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera.

Recently MB stayed over for about a month straight—and I liked it. So I’ll admit that lately I’ve been toying with the idea of inviting MB to officially move in. I keep going back and forth. Shouldn’t I enjoy these last couple of years of living alone because later I’ll have a hubby and eventually some kiddies? Or should I welcome MB with open arms so we can work out all the roommate kinks before we’re married?

So I’m seeking advice from those who are in this current situation. What are some pros and cons of living with a boy?


Momma, The Casual Perfectionist said...

I may not be qualified to give advice, because I'm OLD and I lived with a boy many moons ago...but my advice is to go for it!

It was the best thing my hubby and I did. We lived together for almost four years before getting married.

Granted, if you've picked the right one, it will work out regardless of what you decide.

He was cleaner than I was. He cooks more than I do. The odds were definitely in my favor. LOL!

Good luck!!

Becky said...

this is a tough one. i'm not living with anyone outside of my direct gene-pool, but I have been there in the past, twice, living in sin and the whole nine.

it's tough because shoot, you're a grown up and you can pretty much do what you want. it's economically awesome, because both of you get to cut your living expenses in half. and then there's the part about the person you love just being there and making "home" the place that you are. that's pretty great.

but then there's the part about boys being pigs. sure there are girls that are pigs, too, but seriously, that's not you, dear friend of cadiz! but boys, they leave whiskers all over the bathroom, and socks on the floor, and milk jugs on the counter.

also, like i said, i have done it twice - the first time ended in marriage and then divorce, and the other ended in chronic panic attacks that forced me to move seven hours away. i'm not sure that's exactly an endorsement. but i think it was more the specific boy in question, and not necessarily the living-together that brought that on.

but everyone's experience is different. you may never have a single panic attack. in which case, yay for you!

cc said...

I say to let him move in. You can detect his bad habits early on (in case you realize you cannot live with dirty socks stuck in your sofa cushions, his love of hogging the TV to watch WWE with 10 of his filthiest pals, or whatever) and dump him if needed. Or, you can work out the kinks beforehand so that if you do marry him, it'll be smooth sailing. You'll have already tackled issues of housework, finances, his snoring, etc. A lot of times when people marry before living together, they end up having horrible fights about these finer points and it strains the marriage.

omar said...

I didn't live with my wife before we got married, and I'm glad. Not because of any moral reasons or anything, just because I think it takes part of the excitement out of getting married.

My best friend, he and his girlfriend lived together for close to three years before he proposed to her. And then they went through the pomp and circumstance of getting married. But at the end of the day, nothing had changed. A pre-proposal day was exactly the same as a post-wedding day. And though it worked for them, I feel like I'd find that unfulfilling.

velocibadgergirl said...

Because I've been with my own MB nearly nine years (freaky, eh?) I had to weigh in.

Living with a boy is totally worth it, but there will definitely be challenges. For me, the biggest thing was deciding which battles I was determined to fight and which things I could not live with. Resolve to let stuff go when you can (i.e. if he wants to live out of a laundry basket, that's fine, but YOU don't have to) and take a stand when you can't (i.e. I don't care what your mother did, bucko, I REFUSE to dry the sink after I use it).

But really, it's worth it :D

Madelyn said...

I have never lived with a boyfriend, but I do live with my BFF and her boyfriend. As an outsider looking in, I see pros and cons to it. For one, you get to see that person all the time, but on the other hand, you HAVE to see that person all the time.

I also sort of agree with Omar. It would take the excitement out of getting married, and I know my BFF even worries that he will never propose because whats the point?

I think it's pretty cool that you have been together for nine years and you still haven't lived together. So many couples move in together to quickly and going through a break up while still having to live with that person doesn't sound like a good time.

Anonymous said...

My husband and I lived together for two and a half years before we got married on a Tuesday afternoon. The first year of living together was the most difficult and I'm glad we went through that before we got married. I'm glad I didn't associate getting married with all the stress of having a new roommate.

Alexandra said...

i think it defintely depends on the boy in question. i never thought i'd enjoy living with someone, but i do now and love it. Everyone warned me that living with a boy would mean becoming a MOM, but they were wrong-- my guy does the laundry, (and irons!) he vacumes, he cooks (i do too though, but it's because i like to), he kills the bugs, he changes the lightbulbs he reaches top shelves... and of course the keeping me warm at night sfuff is kinda nice too...

besides bragging how good i got it, my point was that it depends on what kind of a guy he is, and how you'd like to see the houshold run.

i do agree w/ omar, living together would take excitement of getting married out of it, but then again you guys are already together 9 years soooo... looks like keeping stuff exciting is not a problem for you ;)

Mr. Toast said...

I would add my vote to the "Yay" column. I lived with my wife for a year before we married, and I think it was a good thing for both of us. We wanted to take marriage seriously, and not just get a divorce if it "didn't work out". To my way of thinking, there is no other way you can possibly know for certain whether this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Psychic Pimp said...

Thanks to you all for your helpful words! I'll keep you updated.