Saturday, November 17, 2012

Yep, still hate shopping

I spent the day shopping. By myself. What a nightmare. By store number three, I completely stopped even going near the pants. None of them seemed worth the effort of removing my clothes to try on.

I feel like "Some things never change" should be the tagline of this blog.

brought to you by the letter P
In which I list the ridiculous requirements needed for me to buy a pair of pants. Here are some highlights:

a really good pair of pants:

* isn't peek-a-boo from the back of the waist
* isn't too loose in the back end
* isn't too thin where you have to worry too much about your choice of undergarment
* has a smooth zipper or reliable button fly (won't pop open at all times)
* doesn't create a 'p-pocket' in the crotch when you sit down -- insinuating there is something inside standing at attention
* doesn't climb up anywhere near places it shouldn't
* doesn't make noise during walking
* doesn't get shiny after being ironed even at a low setting
* isn't a lint magnet
* doesn't look too short when you cross your legs
* doesn't look raggedy after one washing
* will make you look svelte
* will make you look taller
* will enhance or detract from whatever you have that is lacking or abundant
* will not be useless if your body weight changes 6 ounces one way or the other
* will not be out of style tomorrow
* can not be found on the 13-year-olds standing at the bus stop
* does not have something written across the booty
* does not cost three times its value because of the name on the tag
* makes you feel like a million bucks.


Guyana-Gyal said...

It's time for those old-time seamstresses to come back, you know the ones you'd go to, and they'd measure you and sew?

Jon said...

Sometimes, I really wonder how you do it.