without both, you just get half

ever since my friend ri got married to her love in july, they've been cultivating all the things good marriages have, like divided chores, making time for dates, and most importantly, speaking as a unit.

"i'm so crazed with all the things i have to take care of lately that i'm losing my mind!"

"and her keys; before we left to come here, she lost her keys, her phone or both several times. all in the span of five minutes."

"ha ha! yeah, and this afternoon i left them hanging in the mailbox in the lobby! can you imagine? oh man, that was bad."

"especially because you came all the way upstairs without them."

"yeah! and i'm sitting here knocking on the door, thinking my husband would open it for me, but noooo."

"hey, i was in the shower!"

"don't lie, you were standing at the end of the hall, ignoring me!"

"that's not true, i thought you were a neighbor."

"you see, i left the keys in the mailbox downstairs in the lobby and went all the way upstairs. and c was in the shower--"

"and she realized she had no way of getting in. meanwhile, i'm coming out of the shower in a towel and hear a knocking on the door. i figured if it was ri, she'd just use her key, so i ignored it. what! i was in a towel!"

"so i had to go back downstairs, but i didn't want to haul all the mail with me. so i put it under the door."

"i see mail sliding in from under the door, so i figured it was a neighbor who got something of ours by mistake."

"it wasn't one thing! it was a whole pile with newspaper advertisements and everything!"

"yeah, yeah, and then i saw that one envelope had been opened and i said, 'man, the neighbors are going through our mail!' and i figured that's probably why they knocked, to apologize for accidentally opening it."

"but not at first! at first you thought it was a robber."

"right, at first i went for my baseball bat and thought, 'okay guy, let's do this thing.' "

"but it really was just me."

"yeah. ridiculous."

"yeah."